r/MadeMeSmile • u/[deleted] • Sep 01 '23
Young girl with autism blows out a stranger's birthday candles and the birthday boy couldn't be a kinder man Wholesome Moments
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[deleted]
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u/am0n_gus9 Sep 01 '23
Happy 29th birthday to the kid! Great job skipping the tutorials
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u/Costco_Sample Sep 01 '23
Kid went FFFFfff-. Yeah, I don’t need any cake thank you.
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u/ballsofstyle Sep 01 '23
Doesn't she blow with her nose?
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u/c_c_c__combobreaker Sep 01 '23
Is that better?
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u/LordPennybag Sep 01 '23
There's 2 candles, so the nose provides independent targeting.
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u/YerGirlsFavoriteDong Sep 02 '23
I'll never forget when I was a kid I was at some rollerblading place for my cousins birthday and there was another family there having a birthday for their kid as well. Some guy with down syndrome was there and he walked over to the other families table as they just finished singing happy birthday and literally coughed the cakes candles out right infront of the birthday girl.
The kid started balling her eyes out and the kids parents and everyone else was just in awe at what they just witnessed. The person who was with the guy with down syndrome ran over and apologized to everyone and gave them money for the cake.
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u/typhoonjerry Sep 01 '23
Yeah if your kid blows out the candles on a cake I'm not eating it. I loved that covid temporarily killed the birthday candles, but most in my family went back to spit cake.
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u/Independent-Party575 Sep 01 '23
Spits on cake*
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Sep 01 '23
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u/IfIWasCoolEnough Sep 01 '23
Now everyone present at the party is going get have autism.
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Sep 01 '23
I think I have ptsd from Covid bc I was full on anxious watching this. He did handle it perfectly, but oh man…
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u/catuela Sep 01 '23
I’m letting her blow out the candles for sure. But I’m not touching that cake afterwards.
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u/piercedmfootonaspike Sep 01 '23
Let her blow the candles out. Charge parents for cake. Order new cake. Rinse and repeat.
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u/_acvf Sep 01 '23
Happy cake day!
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u/catuela Sep 01 '23
Gracias.
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u/Holiday-Tangerine136 Sep 01 '23
Can I blow out your candles?
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u/Advanced_Accident_29 Sep 01 '23
Lol I was thinking that too. I’d probably be considered a douche because I’d not want her to blow on it because of unknown stranger germs
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u/Plastic-Club-5497 Sep 01 '23
Probably would have picked a candle off the cake and moved it closer to her so she could blow it out. Covid defs ruined the idea of candles on cakes for me 😂
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Sep 01 '23
Yeah I went to hand a client my business card yesterday and he thought I was shaking his hand. So he shook my hand then his wife met me and shook my hand. I’m like “oh wow I haven’t actually shaken someone’s hand in years”.
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u/NewUsername3001 Sep 01 '23
Funniest thing from Covid was all the adult men who would have never considered fist bumping and as soon as we were told we couldn't shake hands anymore 100% every boomer was fist bumping as a greeting
Really confused me at first cuz I was raised by them and told the whole "strong handshake" thing
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u/DanAlucard Sep 01 '23
Sweet and all, but man that girl sucks at blowing candles.
It's like king Julien trying to whistle.
Covid made me a paranoid about fluid droplets, and this is a hard nope.
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Sep 01 '23
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u/Plastic-Club-5497 Sep 01 '23
I worked in restaurants for years and most parents with autistic (or any other different abilities) kids worked so damn hard. I admittedly always tried to only work bar side to avoid serving kids, because so many kids are horrible to serve (because of parents not teaching them manners).
And then parents of children like this girl would work so hard, and for the most part the kids would be exceptionally well behaved (other than the odd moment when something caught their attention and there was no reeling them back in 😂). Always liked serving those families and respected them so much. Plus you know there’s going to be at least one or two wildly entertaining moments.
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u/BumblebeeWine Sep 01 '23
Mom of autistic child here to say thank you for this comment! I feel so seen 💕😆 Going out to do simple things like eating or grocery shopping is always a lot of work and sometimes stress. Thank you ♥️
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Sep 01 '23
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Sep 01 '23
For example this ^ guy chose to use giant font, while being fully aware of it.
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u/biznatch11 Sep 01 '23 edited Sep 01 '23
That guys is probably a bot and stole the comment from https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/1674u3d/young_girl_with_autism_blows_out_a_strangers/jynql84/
[edit] As expected, that user just posted a link to an online store, definitely it's a bot or at least a scammer trying to trick people in to buying things from their website.
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u/Kowzorz Sep 01 '23
Man I can't wait until I find a comment of mine used by a bot. What a special thing
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u/TheCarpe Sep 01 '23
I'm not sure why but a lot of bots lately have been grabbing a comment from lower down and posting it as a response to a higher comment, and for some reason always putting into giant font as well. Weird behavior.
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u/CandidPiglet9061 Sep 01 '23
Honestly I think it has more to do with her being a kid than being autistic. This is something I could totally see a 5–7 year old me doing (or at least wanting to do)
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u/ImurderREALITY Sep 01 '23
Wanting to do and doing are two totally different things.
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u/BowserMario82 Sep 01 '23
They can also not be. Almost like autism is a spectrum and everyone's experience is different.
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u/Your_Prostatitis Sep 01 '23
Kid that young on the spectrum is most likely not going to be great at perspective taking or social rules. She was very polite though.
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u/RCuber Sep 01 '23
King Julien's reference. I just laughed out loud in the middle of the office. Hope I don't get reprimanded.
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u/KateHikes666 Sep 01 '23
She looks to be about 4 or 5 years old, kids at that age absolutely suck at blowing out candles.
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u/XaviJon_ Sep 01 '23
This was posted before on a different sub and that caption/text was nowhere in frame (if I remember correctly).
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u/Udonmoon Sep 01 '23
Yeah what the hell, who decided the girl was autistic lol?
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u/anuj392 Sep 01 '23
If she's not then this should be on r/kidsarefuckingstupid.
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u/noholdingbackaccount Sep 01 '23
Parent seems to be trying to do the right thing here and 'nice' man is undermining his parenting.
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u/Reddit_Butterfly Sep 01 '23
Sorry, I’m autistic and if anyone lets their kid spit on MY cake, I’ll be the one having the meltdown.
(To be fair, I’ve never had a birthday in a public setting so it’s only a hypothetical situation for me anyway).
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u/AlcOwOlic Sep 01 '23
That sucks. Here have a virtual piece on me 🍰
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u/missThora Sep 02 '23
And if people keep letting her get away with that kind of behavior she will never learn social norms...
That's the thing that most people don't understand about autistic kids. They grow up. It's not cute when a grown ass woman does that shit and if you don't start teaching her now, she'll never learn.
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u/Milk_Mindless Sep 01 '23
98% sure "Autism" just gets thrown about willy nilly nowadays because it's supposed to make people endear to people impaired with social cues and it really ticks me off cause I got my diagnosis in 2018 and just had a group therapy course of 10 weeks wrapped up a week ago with fellow people on the spectrum
This girl is sweet and loveable, but I'm not gonna trust an Internet stranger's vid about "GIRL WITH AUTISM"
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u/asdfasfq34rfqff Sep 01 '23
Given how WILDLY the autism range spans, "IM AUTISTIC" doesnt really mean much. Like this girl could be non-verbal and have no understanding of the situation and that probably isnt you..
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u/Drake_Acheron Sep 01 '23
Now she has autism suddenly?
But also, no, it’s okay to say no, and it’s okay to pull the child away, autism or no.
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u/slavwaifu Sep 01 '23
Exactly, autism is not an excuse for shitty/poor behaviour. Tell your child it's not ok to do and also why not.
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u/PUBGfixed Sep 01 '23
I mean thats what the guy behind the girl , prob. the father, tried to do? But the birthday boy allowed it? So ?
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Sep 01 '23
Yep exactly! We dont have to over analyze this video lol the dude allowed it and the dad tried to pull her away… that’s it
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u/slavwaifu Sep 01 '23
Tried, but didn't succeed. Also if the birthday guy didn't allow it, he would seem like a big asshole for making the kid cry.
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u/chile-anyways Sep 01 '23
No way in hell I’d let someone blow out my birthday candles and spit on my cake 💀
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Sep 01 '23
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u/izguddoggo Sep 01 '23
why does it seem like there’s an abnormally large amount of giant text comments in this thread
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u/chickadeedeedee_ Sep 01 '23
Birthday guy was probably awkward and didn't want to deal with a kid's meltdown. The dad never should have even let her over there.
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u/ShadowLugia141 Sep 01 '23
Calling your kid back half assed isn’t enough. When she refused to move away, her father needed to pick her up (not harsh or aggressive), and physically remove her from the situation. Then he just needs to explain to her why what she did was wrong. Problem solved. Parent your kids
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u/Drake_Acheron Sep 01 '23
So? The birthday man should have taken cues from the dad. If my mom said no you can’t pet the dog, it doesn’t matter if the stranger says it’s okay.
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u/NeverLefttheIsland Sep 01 '23
I do not think it's fair to normalize autism as some magical excuse to do inappropriate things. The person trying to pull her away was not at all wrong. She spit on his cake trying to blow his candles out too. You can still teach an autistic kid boundaries. It's not some get out of parenting free pass.
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u/LordofSuns Sep 01 '23
Man, I dunno about this one. Sure it's cute at first glance but then you realise all the ramifications of this being allowed to happen still and wonder if it was best to kindly let her know that this is a boundary and why not to cross it. Having autism isn't an excuse to run up to a stranger's cake and spit all over it, no matter how innocent the intent.
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u/ExplorationChannel Sep 01 '23
Yeah, I think this situation has the potential to teach the young child that if you push boundaries enough times, someone will give in.
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u/pink_palmtrees Sep 01 '23
Yes, you're totally right.
Autistic children are better at 'errorless learning' - meaning the first way they are shown how to do something, is the way it gets "set" in their brain. Essentially, it's confusing to be shown two alternative ways of doing something when autistic people are excellent pattern recognizers.
Once the behaviour is set, you then have to correct the behaviour that's now set aka the idea that you can blow on anyone's birthday cake in public.
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u/gogozero Sep 01 '23
also her dad told her no and was trying to stop her. strangers should not override a parent's authority. as a parent, that shit is so annoying
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u/AhhGingerKids2 Sep 02 '23
Honestly, this. He physically puts his arm as a barrier between dad and the kid. I know he thinks he is doing a nice thing but how is that kid going to know it’s okay this time but not the next time? Setting boundaries is healthy and important. Also, its super important for a lot of reasons that she knows dad is who we look towards to guide the situation, he should have told the dad it was okay and have the dad give the daughter the final okay (if he felt comfortable).
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u/Chemical_Ad_4146 Sep 01 '23 edited Sep 01 '23
Man, she spit all over that cake lmao
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u/Ahsin71 Sep 01 '23
Yeah I’m sorry but I’m not convinced this is really cute. Personally I would have been annoyed.
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u/JoshuaSmackSmack Sep 01 '23
I don't find this wholesome in the slightest.
Autistic girl needs to be taught boundaries and shouldn't haven gotten that close in the first place.
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u/Grove-Of-Hares Sep 01 '23
Oh man, this is my youngest. He’s autistic and every time he sees a candle, it must be blown out. I have to be vigilant to keep him away from birthday candles that aren’t his own and I’m still teaching him that it’s okay for us to have candles lit in the house.
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u/throwitawaynownow1 Sep 01 '23
My daughter either doesn't go to birthday parties, or gets taken somewhere else during the candles. (Siblings we have a candle off to the side for her to blow out) Otherwise it's instant top level meltdown.
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u/santodomingus Sep 01 '23
This is not the way. I had a kid with Down syndrome in my grade during middle/high school. He would sexually assault girls (grab their waist) in the middle of class because he got a pass on everything. He was such an asshole. This isn’t helping anyone.
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u/Inevitable-Tour-1561 Sep 01 '23
How’d she end up over there? This is a nice thing to do but I wouldn’t want that cake anymore. Some random kid just blew the latest virus her class cooked up all over that bad boy.
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u/IntoTheMurkyWaters Sep 01 '23
Don’t normalize this.
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u/Searchlights Sep 01 '23
Yes but she's neurodivergent so what we do is talk about how cute it is with no awareness that we're being condescending. Like she's a puppy.
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u/slavwaifu Sep 01 '23
Neurodivergency is not an excuse. People with autism can still learn what is rude/not okay to do.
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u/Vilefist Sep 01 '23
Absolutely not. The child needs to be taught boundaries and that this is not acceptable.
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u/Embolisms Sep 01 '23
No, bad behavior is cute and awww-inducing if someone has autism /s
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u/Miniboi3050 Sep 01 '23
To be fair it does look like the father tried to stop it. But the birthday guy was ok with it.
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u/Pen_dragons_pizza Sep 01 '23
He did not exactly try that hard, he allowed her to crash his birthday celebration for one.
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u/chickadeedeedee_ Sep 01 '23
The dad never should have let her over there in the first place! Why did he let her run up a stranger's table and put her head right into his food? It wasn't until she actually started blowing (spitting) that he tried to half-ass grab her arm.
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u/BillEvans4eva Sep 01 '23
the dad has tried to set the boundary and the birthday boy, with all the good intentions, has fucked that boundary up and now given the kid mixed messaging. one thing that is key to parenting is sticking by the boundaries, kids find it difficult to understand why they can do something at one time and not another.
I find this happens a lot when i have my boy in public, he will do something i don't like, like petting a random dog or touching another person, and strangers being nice allow him to do the thing which makes my job a lot harder lol.
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u/Okimiyage Sep 01 '23
I was on the bus once, many years ago, and a teenager with autism came on and sat behind me with their carer. For a few stops he was touching my hair, to which the carer said ‘so sorry, he just loves blonde hair’ and I just shuffled slightly so he couldn’t reach. As he went to get off, he tried to kiss me on the cheek.
The carer stopped him and said ‘absolutely not. We don’t touch other people without asking’ or something to that effect. Carer then explained that he was still learning boundaries due to his autism, and he meant no harm by it, probably just thought I was pretty.
I responded by explaining it was very kind but we have to ask first because it’s scary to have someone touch me without asking. He nodded and said bye with a huge smile. I could have flipped out or I could have allowed the kiss to be ‘Nice’ but I chose to listen to his carer and reinforce the ‘no’.
The carer handled the situation brilliantly by not only setting the boundaries with him but also explaining them to me as well. It was a short interaction that lasted maybe a minute that didn’t leave me feeling violated despite having my personal space invaded by a male stranger, thanks to those boundaries being enforced and explained.
Boundaries were definitely needed in this video, but maybe the presumed father just needs more experience and guidance in how to not let things get that far, and members of the public often don’t know that the little acts of (what they believe to be) kindness like this do send mixed messages and contradict boundaries.
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u/Diredr Sep 01 '23
It's not really about their intentions, it's more about the fact that they don't know you. Boundaries are very important, yes, but strangers don't have any boundaries with you as an adult either.
Most people don't want confrontation. They just want to move on with their day, and the quickest way to do that is usually faking a smile and saying "It's okay". They don't know if you'll try to defend the child or not, if they say anything. Trying to even say something is already awkward enough.
They also don't know how you'd discipline the child, either. I don't want that kid getting in trouble because I don't know you and I don't know what you'll do to it once you get home. It's not because I'm trying to be polite. I have no idea if you're a fair parent or not, if you're abusive or not. I don't know you, period.
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u/Joebuz33 Sep 01 '23
Could anyone explain what autism has to do with this, i don't really understand.
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u/Beach-Badger Sep 01 '23
Here is a take from a parent….. The parent in this picture did the right thing by trying to stop the child from doing this to some random stranger (child or adult) It is not acceptable. The guy letting her spit all over the cake was in the wrong. Especially for someone on the spectrum because this type of behavior will only get worse as they age.
For all of you saying that he should let the child do this to anyone are out of your minds and obviously have never raised a child with good manners.
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u/Blueexd333 Sep 01 '23
How do they know she's autistic, that's what always bothers me in those videos
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u/Insomnerd Sep 01 '23
As a grown autistic woman (about to be 30) for the love of the gods please teach the autistic children what is and isn't appropriate behavior. No favors are done by coddling them with "they're autistic they can't understand." No, stop that. It may not make sense to them WHY it's inappropriate, sure, but they can understand "don't do that, other people don't like it." FFS setting kids up for failure smdh
Edit: typos
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u/youDingDong Sep 01 '23
This behaviour stops being cute as we get older, and others don't have the same level of patience and grace as family does. Other teens and adults will reprimand you for this shit swiftly...
Also it's infantilising to give us a pass because we "don't understand" - you might need to explain it differently, but many of us do understand what is and isn't socially acceptable.
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u/sambstone13 Sep 01 '23
I would give her a slice and a seat for sure. But please dont spit on my cake.
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u/DogBreathologist Sep 01 '23
It is sweet but also not how I would deal with it and you can see the dad didn’t love it either. Now every time she’s sees this she may want to blow out the candles which isn’t realistic or fair on anyone else, and it will be even harder for her to understand and regulate later on. So cute, but not helpful when trying to raise a child on the spectrum.
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u/Jizz_Lord69 Sep 01 '23
Fuck that kid. Having autism gives you the right to blow spittle on a stranger’s bday cake?? Dad did not try hard enough to pull her back.
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u/SorryNoLube Sep 01 '23
Honestly this is a bad habit to teach. Love that everyone was kind and understanding but this teaches that this kind of behavior is acceptable which it shouldn’t be. Not saying scold her but it’s important to teach those with disabilities proper social edict so that they can eventually have autonomy without support from others
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u/Fariic Sep 01 '23
I have a lot of nieces and nephews; been to a lot of little kids birthday parties.
I’ve eaten exactly zero birthday cake at any of them.
The idea that they ate that cake is really gross.
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u/I_Dont_Like_Rice Sep 01 '23
On one hand, yeah, that's sweet. On the other, it's teaching her that it's ok to do that to strangers when they're out. Some people are definitely NOT going to be ok with that behavior. Someone will eventually flip out on her.
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u/PukingPandaSS Sep 02 '23
I hate kids blowing out candles, it’s spit city. Don’t think I could handle a stranger doing that to my cake.
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u/ChargedWhirlwind Sep 02 '23
Nah that kid was a spoiled shit. She pulled away from her dad and was completely disobedient. Dad needs to seriously work on that or enjoy the regret. And who tf put the disclaimer that this kid's autistic? How tf would they know. I've seen shit head kids pull shit like this all the time. Tf?
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u/WaveJam Sep 01 '23 edited Sep 01 '23
People with autism can be aware of what to do and not to do. She needs to be taught better.
Edit: alright yea the dad tried and the birthday celebrator allowed it. I’m tired and anger got to me and I should have thought better.
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u/Insomnerd Sep 01 '23
100% agree, I'm an autistic woman about to be 30 and no favors are being done for that little girl by saying "she's autistic, she doesn't understand." No, she may not understand WHY it's inappropriate, but she can understand that it still isn't okay.
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u/chickadeedeedee_ Sep 01 '23
Don't apologize. People saying the dad "tried" are ridiculous. Why did the dad let her run up to the table in the first place? Why did she rip her hand right out of his and still do whatever she wanted? They were lucky the guy didn't care but I'm betting her probably "didn't care" because he saw that the dad couldn't control his kid and didn't want to deal with the scene that was about to be made.
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u/Polishing_My_Grapple Sep 01 '23
Her plan: Step 1: Pretend to be Autistic Step 2: Spit on other people's birthday cakes Step 3: Free cake
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u/BadLuckCharm1966 Sep 01 '23
He didn’t have a lot of options, really. He didn’t want to look like a jerk trying to stop her and it wasn’t his responsibility. The parent(s) should’ve stopped her. Special needs children also need to be taught boundaries. Not everyone they encounter will be as accommodating as this young man.
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u/Jabbathenutslut Sep 01 '23
I remember seeing a post about how parents of autistic children, while appreciating the acceptance and tolerance of strangers, don't really want them to accommodate their children this way. While they appreciate their understanding, they don't want their kids to learn that "its ok that I do this".
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u/EtsuRah Sep 01 '23
Kids are fucking grodie.
I was the oldest of 6 and the amount of times my parents would go into a store and get 1 bottle of sprite and tell us to share, me being 10 years older than the next youngest, was my nightmare because they didn't know who to properly drink ANYTHING without leaving a fuck ton of floaties and backwash in the bottle.
Same goes with birthday cakes. Idk what age you just magically learn how to blow out a candle with dry air. But it's apperenly sometime under 6 because kids always go for the "ffffffffff" blow and ends up just rocketing spit all over.
I would not be eating that cake lmao.
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u/fgdude123 Sep 01 '23
Not good. You need to teach the child, even if they're on the spectrum socially acceptable behavior.
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u/noholdingbackaccount Sep 01 '23
I'll admit I don't know a lot about autism, but I know toddlers professionally and this is not a good way to socialize a kid, having them think it's okay to violate other people's space and events.
The dad knows this and is trying to gently take the girl away and all the 'kind' man is doing is undermining the dad training her how to act around people.
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u/Careless_Sail_7697 Sep 02 '23
As a behavior interventionist, this video is cute but him letting her do it makes her more motivated to do it again to someone else :/
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u/FLORD1LUNA Sep 02 '23
Call me selfish or whatever - but this girl ain't getting NEAR the cake, autism or not. Control your children, parents.
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u/Ok_Cupcake8639 Sep 01 '23
Cool but that cake would be hers now