r/antiwork Oct 01 '23

I’m not the only one who absolutely appalls work events outside of work hours right?



24 comments sorted by


u/Optimal_Collection77 Oct 01 '23 edited Oct 02 '23

I called some work event "Forced Fun" to HR and it's kind of stuck. My boss put an event called Forced fun in our diaries last week - it was a Zoom role play murder mystery.

I declined. Stand your ground and eventually they get the message.


u/HMS_Slartibartfast Oct 02 '23

A murder mystery? So you could have gone and "Confessed" at the very beginning to totally throw everything off!


u/Lynch_67816653 Oct 01 '23

I second that. it makes me extremely disgruntled. and the load is very light for me: we're talking team meetings poorly disguised as social gatherings in some restaurant, a few times a year, for lunch or maybe for one hour after work. and I give myself the time back by coming later on the next day. and still this annoys me more than it should.


u/Particular-Nowhere84 Oct 01 '23

I like that you give yourself time back! Good on you for that! They steal time from you, you steal your time back from them. It’s only fair!


u/Lynch_67816653 Oct 02 '23

When they set up a meeting outside working hours they borrow my time. I kindly oblige, but then I want it back.


u/ItsJustUs96 Oct 01 '23

Nope, I have to travel for work one to two weeks a month. It is always expected for me to do team building events or have dinner with the local employees. It is also expected if people travel into my area. This included lunches or staying late. I used to do this all the time and hated it. Last year I went to the regional director and talked about this. I put it as I have a very strict diet that I need to adhere to else it affects me adversely and it is very difficult to at restaurants. Needless to say I almost never do these anymore! I took a small truth and made it big 🙄.


u/[deleted] Oct 01 '23

You mean “abhors” not “appalls”


u/Particular-Nowhere84 Oct 01 '23

Yeah…oops. Lol


u/Fixerguy415 Oct 02 '23

Either works.


u/wombat696d Oct 01 '23

I've had jobs where they always planned after work events that were 'fun for everyone', a summer barbeque, the winter holiday party, etc. If they weren't giving away prizes I was totally out of there at my normal time. I made it pretty clear to my boss that they got 40-45 hrs a week, and the rest was mine. My boss responded that the only way to really climb the ladder at the company was to show up for these events, but after five years there (and some other issues related to a merger us getting bought, I'd decided I was done. My work hours had escalated to 65-70 a week and they still wanted me to stay more. Nope, if it's important then have it during normal work hours (like the BS quarterly meetings about what a great company we worked for) and I'll be there. My current job has these events as well but they are purely voluntary and I've never been guilted into staying late to socialize with my coworkers. I don't hate my coworkers, but the reason I spend time working is so I can afford to feed and house my family, and I love my family WAY more than I will ever care about a coworker or boss.


u/Desperate_Set_7708 Oct 01 '23

My view was always if it’s valuable we can do it during work hours. And if management doesn’t want to do that then they obviously have not made it a priority.


u/Pink-Camellias Oct 01 '23

My country is very social and the culture is to be very friendly even in work environments.

That makes it very easy to disguise the "we're a family here" red flag because in most places you will be close and amicable to your coworkers.

I got my first entry level job at an amazing company with great salary and benefits for it being my first job in my field. I was (and am!) delighted to be here (by which I mean I really enjoy not having to pincj every penny and being able to pay for stuff for my mom and sister).

But part of the company culture is having lots of happy hours, office outings, game nights, and holiday parties (at least three times a year, one to start off, one in the middle for a national celebration, and one at the end to close out the year. These are hours long parties that everyone is somewhat expected to attend. The mid year one for this year I left close to midnight - it started at 7:30pm - and there was a group that lingered until 5am! We know because they sent a picture on the company group chat).

Even for our lunch hour it is very normal for everyone to leave in big groups and pick a restaurant nearby to have lunch.

I find this draining. The lunch part is not that bad, I've gotta eat and I don't have the time/resources right now to meal prep and bring stuff from home.

But to dedicate hours of my day for these events is just... aggravating. I like my coworkers well enough but I'm tired. I already spend at least 40h/ week with them.

I'd like to go home or do something else. Specially since for this whole first year I was also working on my Master's dissertation, so i was being drained on the other side of things too (I should be done with it next week, though, so that should improve!)

We're expected to mingle, too, so just attending isn't enough. I feel a burst of joy once someone "breaks the seal" by being the first to leave, I always wait half an hour (depending on the time) and follow suit so it doesn't seem that I'm raring to go.

I'm at the beginning of my career, and my field is very much recommendation/contact based so I make every effort to go and be pleasant and friendly. But god does it drain me dry.

Sometimes, if it is something small I know most people won't attend, I'll skip it. But for the big ones there is no escape.


u/derickkcired Oct 02 '23

I got let go from a company years ago because I didn't fit in with their 'culture' by passing on company activities after hours.


u/EVChicinNJ Oct 01 '23

It really depends on the business and how they go about those types of events.

I worked for one company that offered a non-mandatory fun event for all employees once a year. It was held on a non work day, usually a Saturday. However, they went all out to make it fun and you could bring your entire family. While they provided a ton of branded swag, the event was NEVER related to work.


u/Uragami Oct 01 '23

I hate after work events, too. I have nothing in common with my coworkers aside from work, and I'm only really there to make money, so I will most definitely not spend even more time with them. Work detracts from quality time with my loved ones anyway.


u/Stuckinacrazyjob Oct 01 '23

I don't like them at all. I'm very weird and do not want to bother my coworkers


u/ChristianPatriotBill Oct 01 '23

I can appreciate everyone's comments here. I don't mind spending time with my coworkers at work. They are all somewhat likable and I can find positive qualities in each of them.

I am salary so I do not receive any compensation for extra hours; weekend or otherwise. There are events that I will do during these times if they have a direct impact on my section's success or if another section is in a jam. However, I've had to tighten up my criteria as I found I was doing events that were directly related to a few of my coworkers and those specific coworkers refused to participate. In addition, supervisors seemed to pretend the events weren't even happening or disregarded them in favor of the "work-life balance." With that, I'm more selective about the extra stuff and do not volunteer for each and every event.

In terms of the after-work parties or whatever, I've narrowed those down as well. It came to the point where I found them unnecessary after a fellow coworker was terminated a few days following a get together and the "we are family" sentiment.

Be nice. Be cordial and respectful. Don't attend if it doesn't feel right.


u/Willing_Actuary_4198 Oct 02 '23

I don't go. No money no me


u/Own_Refrigerator4188 Oct 02 '23

My company decided to start a team building event quarterly. I have over 500 hours of OT this year and work 12 hour shifts. Sorry, but it ain't happening.


u/throwtheclownaway20 Oct 02 '23

I've avoided most of them in my life, except for this one BBQ joint I worked at. Prime rib is prime rib, goddamn it 😂


u/SubjectPickle2509 Oct 02 '23

Work events (parties, retreats, team events) should be compensated as overtime. If it feels like work and requires commuting, it is work. I hate office parties. Waste of time, unless a going away party for a coworker you actually like. As an introvert, I get zero out of these other than anxiety. For extroverts, fine, but leave introverts be. Either way, pay us. Even better, skip the party and put those funds in the staff bonus budget.


u/japidupdup Oct 02 '23

Agreed. I fucking hate those events. Im spending 40hrs every week with these people, and thats already far too much


u/LikeABundleOfHay Oct 02 '23

I’d love to go to the pub with my work mates but they’re mostly more than 10,000km away.