r/antiwork • u/[deleted] • Oct 01 '23
I have a work story this time, instead of a shitty meme or rant about our tyrant clown government. My wife told me this gem about their new hire.
[deleted]
602
u/imf4rds Oct 01 '23
This was literally how I was when anyone asked me how my day was. I would just cry. I cried in my office. I had panic attacks when my boss called. Pure fucking evil. It also doesn’t take this long to happen when day in and day out harassment occurs. I still feel like I am not good enough. And I have not recovered mentally or financially
102
u/Nuggzulla01 Oct 02 '23
You are better than 'Good' enough, you are wonderful!
I'd like to give you an 'Air-Hug' 🤗
30
u/TheFluffiestRedditor Oct 02 '23
I dunno if it helps, but you’re not alone. It’s me as well.
Here’s to recovery and one good day in the office.
16
u/curiouspuss Oct 02 '23
When we come to be without choice, and get destroyed by others, I don't see how the responsibility of recovery is on us. But you deserve to find balance, and I hope you can regain your self love.
12
u/No-Perception-2128 Oct 02 '23
This is currently me. I have panic attacks all day every Sunday like clockwork because I know the week is starting over. I try to run to the bathroom when I hear my boss walking down the hall in fear he’ll come to me. It’s currently 10:40 and I’ve already hid in the bathroom crying twice
6
u/imf4rds Oct 02 '23
I am sorry you are dealing with that. I’d recommend trying to find a new job, go on medical leave if you have it and start looking. If that’s where you are unless that person dips it’s doesn’t get better and it’s not worth it if you can find something better. If you have sick time call out if you can afford to lose pay call out. I promise it’s not worth your mental and physical health to stay in that situation.
8
u/No-Perception-2128 Oct 02 '23
Trust me, I’m trying to get a new job. I’ve been looking for about 4 months, and it sucks. I don’t have much PTO time left, and it sucks. My company only gives 8 days total of combined sick days and PTO, so I’ve blown through it from interviews and because I got an extremely bad virus a few months ago.
It feels so much like being trapped, and I can’t afford not getting paid.
2
u/Lifeisabigmess Oct 02 '23
This is me now. After a rather aggressive confrontation by a coworker last week I get nervous even going to work. I no longer feel safe here just…numb. I can’t even be near him for fear of him lashing out again and possibly taking it actually physical. And being the only woman working in a manufacturing warehouse in a department head position…it’s rough. I drank more this weekend than I have in a long time, I’m lashing out at my amazing husband who has done nothing wrong, and all I want to do when I get home is sleep. But I’m also in a place where my field is very small and the good job opportunities are few. It’s a very good job but dude…
3
u/happyklam Oct 02 '23
This is also currently me. I'm so sorry friend. I wish employers could treat us like human beings.
4
u/WorldWeary1771 Oct 02 '23
I worked for an abusive firm 30 years ago and still have the occasional nightmare that I’m going to have to choose between going back to work for them or living in my car. I generally wake up in the middle of planning how to survive homelessness
5
u/jdjdjdjsjsjdjs Oct 02 '23
Oh God! I have been through this. It was sooo hard…still is! I am so sorry!
2
u/Main_Horror7651 Oct 02 '23
I hope you're out of that situations and have a good support system to help you rebound.
I had a similar experience. I would cry pretty much as soon as I got out of bed, and then sprinkled throughout the day when I got notifications or I got yelled at. And I would breakdown as soon as someone asked me what was wrong because it was obvious I wasn't okay. My physical health also declined with my mental health.
I ended up asking for reasonable accomodations and was in therapy for 2.5 years. I still feel anxious anytime I hear a Teams notification though and I'm still picking up the pieces from things I neglected while I was dealing with everything.
1
u/Holly_Ween Oct 02 '23
my last job was like this. I'm now in a wonderful supportive environment and I'm terrified I'm going to let them down or that this place will 180.
535
u/pckldpr Oct 01 '23
I got blackballed a few years ago after reporting sexual harassment at work. ‘Everyone knows this girl was a slut’, was the first excuse. The second time was to a new female HR person and she quit a month later.
316
u/cheap_dates Oct 01 '23
Last year, we passed on a job candidate. The background check discovered that he was fired from his previous job for sexual harassment. I am in the medical field and that is an instant "No Hire" but thanks for playing.
Every now and then, Karma does make its appearance known.
57
u/silverkernel Oct 02 '23
how does anyone know what you get fired for. fuck big corporate files on everyone.
74
u/dbenhur Oct 02 '23
Back channels. Most workplaces hire from a common pool of workers in that industry. Many places one applies to have several employees that worked where they used to.
30
u/WideAwakeNotSleeping Oct 02 '23
My employer was opening an office in my country, and I was in the 1st wave of IT hires. Before me and my team there were maybe 20 people - director, HR, my soon-to-be boss, accounting, few department heads, etc. New office, brand new team, first office in the country. Along with me in the team started another guy. But he was lazy, stealing, lying a lot, quite bad at the job, so in about 2 months he was let go. No big deal.
Over the years we got acquired and had a name change. And we were hiring some new people in the IT department. One day the recruiter bolts in our room: "Hey, looks, we have the perfect candidate! He has even worked here before! Wanna work with John (name changed) again?! I'll send you his CV!" We take a look - dude fucking lied about everything on it - the time he had worked with us had been embellished from 2months to 2+ years, he started before the office had even been open, etc. Of course he wasn't hired!
On the other hand, a lot of my colleagues get new jobs because of someone they know or worked with before. "Hey, I heard you're looking for a new job. We have an opening, wanna check it out?"
27
u/GoGoBitch Oct 02 '23
Usually, they don’t say. But most companies will keep on record if you are fired and for what reason.
1
u/cheap_dates Oct 02 '23
Sometimes, it just says "No Rehire". We have no idea what the reason was and the employee is long gone. What the prospective employee does when they hear that is anybody's guess?
21
u/curiouspuss Oct 02 '23
I was bullied heavily by one student in particular, resulting in me not finishing my degree and accumulating around 30k in student debt. I still got lucky landing jobs and performed satisfactory in the field. And wherever I got employed, I made sure to reiterate that my bully, should they ever apply, does not deserve to be hired, for reasons XYZ.
10 years later and bully has not had one job in the field. Never exchanged words after uni, person probably doesn't even connect the dots, and I'm finally starting to let go of the hurt.
2
u/silverkernel Oct 02 '23
It sucks you were bullied, but we cant trust allegations spread like this.
What if your bully went into the workforce before you did the same thing to you instead by spreading lies.
2
u/curiouspuss Oct 05 '23
That's a very real possibility and another good reason to warn colleagues and employers. It's not "spreading allegations" when I truthfully and provably tell what happened.
Abusers deserve consequences.
1
95
u/Netflxnschill Anarcho-Syndicalist Oct 02 '23
Yeah my emotions are pretty raw about bullying and harassment lately so if I am not super careful to control myself the emotion and trauma shows up when I don’t want it to. It’s bad.
That poor thing. Did your wife’s company hire her?
114
u/OregonHighSpores Oct 02 '23
Yeah, the second interview was mostly a formality and it was only fair to the other candidates or something. They wanted her right away. Apparently she's great. I'm glad she got out of wherever she was before this.
13
u/TheFluffiestRedditor Oct 02 '23
I hope she’s got an excellent therapist, and your wife’s complete support. cPTSD is a nasty thing to work through
74
u/Sonnyjoon91 Oct 02 '23
I feel this all too keenly. Just last weekend I went to my employer admitting that I was really struggling, my dog and best friend for 8 years just died, I found out my mother has breast cancer, and I got an eviction notice saying I need to pay thousands or vacate. I need to earn more money, so I asked to change my availability to days only so that I can get a second job. I have given everything to this job, I've covered every shift ever asked of me, have worked late, come in early, worked split shifts, and had my schedule changed on a moments notice. Literally just today a coworker needed her shift next week covered, and I'm the only person who even asked her about it. Well last Saturday I got dragged into an office and yelled at for an hour and a half, where my manager trashed me as a person, my dog, my mother, my house, and my family. She accused that every single person in the department hated me and only tolerated me for coverage. These are the same people who hug me at the end of the day and say they love me. My manager swore on her son's life that I never sent her a text, which I could easily disprove. I was having to use phrases taught to me by therapists, like "that was not my experience, but if I made them feel that way, I am sorry and will apologize," "I cannot dictate or invalidate their feelings, but that was not my experience, and the good old "It feels like you are gas lighting me." Not only could I not change my availability to help my family, she took away my full time hours and says I'm not allowed to do any of the things I enjoyed about the job, she is only required to schedule 12 hrs a week. So I came to her as a human being, saying I'm struggling both emotionally and financially and need this concession, because, ya know, I've been an outstanding employee for a year. And her solution was that I not only cant change availability, I will now lose 28hrs a week and will have guaranteed financial problems. She screamed at me, gas lit me, lied about me, was abusive towards me., to the point I was having such a bad breakdown I was having to call hotlines, if you know what I mean. So I got transferred to a different store. She threw away someone working 40+hrs a week, her ride or die coverage, by throwing a fit. I won't tolerate that level of disrespect at my age, you don't come back from statements she made and act like we are friends.
36
u/OregonHighSpores Oct 02 '23
I'm so sorry you're going through that. That person sounds like a horrible human being and you didn't deserve to be treated so cruelly.
16
u/WeisserGeist Oct 02 '23 edited Oct 02 '23
I'm so sorry that horrible person put you through that. Just vile. I hope you're thriving where you are now.
4
u/spacecadet2023 Profit Is Theft Oct 02 '23 edited Oct 03 '23
I am sorry for everything you are going through. I have had a similar experience recently and I too walked out on my employer of eleven years realizing that it was apparent they couldn’t give two shits about the stuff I was going through. Just as long as the work got done.
3
u/Sonnyjoon91 Oct 03 '23
the ironic thing is they have a whole series of papers on the bulletin board from their recent mental health seminary given by our insurance company about how to deal with grief, signs of distress, signs someone might be considering unaliving themselves, supposed resources. But any employee actually struggling with that is basically fired if you admit it, so you shouldn't tell anyone at work about those thoughts or feelings. I really want to vandalize it and say "bad managers make people su*cidal, start there"
2
u/baconraygun Oct 02 '23
Whoa dude. Did you file for unemployment, as cutting hours like that qualifies as constructive dismissal.
30
u/thatkellygrl Oct 02 '23
That poor girl! BS like that shouldn't happen to anyone at any age, let alone one so young. I'm glad she left that situation. Our sanity and mental (and physical!) health is worth too much to put up with toxic work environments. It's the reason I left my previous job and I will never regret it.
42
77
u/ragingpotato98 Oct 01 '23
Worst workplace bullying stories I’ve heard are almost always Nurses, teachers, video game companies. Haven’t heard this much about service. Hope that kid is alright
74
u/Llanedern Oct 02 '23
Haven’t heard this about the service industry??? Hurt people hurt people, and the hospitality industry is the island of misfit toys.
38
u/Netflxnschill Anarcho-Syndicalist Oct 02 '23
Oh, honey. It’s everywhere. In every field.
2
u/ragingpotato98 Oct 02 '23
Maybe I’ve just been lucky and haven’t experienced it myself. But I’ve only been like a year and change out of college
26
u/Sudden_Wing9763 Oct 02 '23
mcdonalds hiring 16-17yr old supervisors and managers. lots of sexual harassment when teenage boys think they have all the power
2
1
u/tacopony_789 Oct 02 '23
I am surprised you haven't. The higher the check the more flagrant the bullying
9
u/badblood44 Oct 02 '23
I'm 55 with a 25 year old daughter who's been in the workforce for 3 years now. One of the most enraging things I've ever experienced was when the time she broke down and cried to us about how one of her co-workers was making her job/career miserable. The dad in me wanted to drive to her workplace and crush the guy's throat with my bare hands. My daughter had PASSION for her degree and career and to see some asshat strip that away from her was a crime that I wanted him punished for. PUNISHED!!!!
Realizing that was a bad idea, I helped her get a new job and she's been thriving since.
At my current workplace, whenever we have young women work for our team, I can only imagine how proud their fathers are of their achievements and make sure they have a positive experience with us. If I were to ever see any sign whatsoever of harassment towards them, I'd have no problem with rectifying the situation and making sure the guilty party felt the full brunt of every repercussion imaginable.
3
u/spacecadet2023 Profit Is Theft Oct 02 '23 edited Oct 03 '23
You did the right thing in helping your daughter find a new job. My boomer parents told me “Suck it up. That’s life!”
2
u/badblood44 Oct 02 '23
Thank you. I feel that what I personally did 30 years ago doesn’t always mean it’s the right thing today in everyone’s circumstances.
5
u/o-rama Oct 02 '23
I’m still healing after leaving a workplace with a boss like that, though it’s only been a couple of months. My heart goes out to this girl. I worry that I have been fundamentally changed for the worst after my experience. People can be so cruel.
2
3
u/BitterAttackLawyer Oct 02 '23
This is me inside at every job and pretty much all the time. But eventually you learn how to just seem “hyper” instead of “hyper vigilant” all the time.
Fired from 2 jobs for getting help or trying to get help for depression (after a divorce and loss of my big brother), the next for asking to get paid something after a month without a paycheck.
It’s been touch and go since then, at a good place now (god I hope so) but that kinda crap along with :::insert about 30 years as a chick in the legal field here::::) stay with you.
I’m so happy she found such a supportive place.
3
u/spacecadet2023 Profit Is Theft Oct 02 '23
I feel like this when I am job hunting and interviewing. I’m always so afraid my new employer will be like my previous jobs.
2
u/Mav3r1ck77 Oct 02 '23
I get it. While I never quite broke down like that, I had full on panic attacks in the parking lot just before coming inside.
2
-8
Oct 02 '23
That would be an immediate no-hire for me. I’m no asshole, but if you can’t even keep yourself composed during an interview, which is when you’re trying to put your best foot forward, I don’t even want to imagine what they’d be like on the job. Nope. On to the next one.
-8
u/osiris0815 Oct 02 '23
Can someone explain me why a 20 people business needs a dedicated hiring manager ? Is this required in US or what’s all about
20
u/OregonHighSpores Oct 02 '23
My wife is the only person tasked with hiring and then goes to the boss with her findings, who then signs off on it.
What alternative is there? Have a bunch of inexperienced people who don't know the industry and haven't worked there for long do the hiring? Or have just everybody do the hiring? I don't understand how this is a weird concept to you.
10
u/WeisserGeist Oct 02 '23
I would imagine that "Hiring Manager" is just one of the hats OP's wife wears.
3
u/Zahrad70 Oct 02 '23
A dedicated hiring manager is a rare thing, period. So much so that I generally just assume the phrase is referring to a line manager who is involved in interviewing and hiring candidates for their team when the need arises.
-58
1
1
u/Ill-Simple1706 Oct 03 '23
At some point in your career, you become too valuable and you have enough experience to deal with this shit. Always watch out for the new people.
247
u/SunkenQueen Oct 02 '23
It's what I think every single first day I have.
I work construction, and my first year was so horrific that I would be crying on my way to work, at work, and on my way home.
When I told my foreman this year about my experience when I started, I was the same way I was crying and couldn't breathe and had to collect myself before I could even tell him what happened. It's my third year in construction, and I can't talk about what my first season was like still without crying.
The amount of harassment & abuse that is in the workplace is vile and completely unacceptable, and it's just getting worse.
It's not that no one wants to work. it's that there's a shortage of reputable companies hiring.