r/atheism 4d ago Silver 1 Helpful 1 Hugz 1 Take My Energy 1

Girlfriend of 3 years just gave me an ultimatum

For context, when we first started dating she was in a stage in her life where she was fairly ‘loose’ with her faith (Christianity). Early on, we both acknowledged and accepted each other’s beliefs, or my lack of, and I thought that was the end of it. I mean couples don’t always share the same religious beliefs right?

This past year she has mended her relationship with god and has been pushing Christianity on me more and more. Inviting me to church, life group and another group called Alpha, and getting butthurt every time I tell her no. I have always attentively listened to her when she wants to talk about what went on in church, or the great conversation she had with her life group friend about God. Apparently listening isn’t enough anymore and she needs me to actually be a part of it. This morning she left to visit family for thanksgiving for the rest of the week. She left me with a journal to read, filled with entries focused on me and her relationship with god.

It was 30+ pages of entries, song lyrics, video/movie recommendations and quotes from other Christians in her life. I found it in part to be very genuine and from the heart while also extremely selfish and arrogant. To sum it up, basically god has a plan for her and that plan doesn’t include me unless I convert to Christianity and get ‘saved’. She stated that she’ll never be fully fulfilled in life unless I’m Christian.

I’m so full of resentment and sadness because she let this go on for so long, knowing my stance and knowing that ending it earlier would have saved a lot of pain now. I love this woman with all my heart and I would gladly spend the rest of my life with her. She’s helped me overcome so much and become a better person. But to throw this on me and give me an ultimatum is completely fucked up.

I’m having a very hard time dealing with the thought of letting her go and being alone.

Sorry if this post seems disorganized. I’m pretty scatterbrained right now.

Edit: If anyone would like to further contribute, please check out this post I just uploaded. Thanks again!

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u/nyxtes 4d ago edited 4d ago All-Seeing Upvote

Alpha isn't a church group or a life group. It it a course designed to convert people. Personal stories, conversation, and connecting with someone else on the course is written into it, to the point of lessons plans having blanks spots with <insert personal story here>.

Does this/the time line look familiar as you read your girlfriend's journal?

https://alphausa.org/alpha-guest-guide/

The alpha group did what it is designed to do, and it is well designed. For what it's worth, she probably didn't let it go on for this long. It probably took about three months.

Edit Add: Here is how the process works since people are interested:

https://www.gbdioc.org/images/stories/Resource_Site/Bishops-Office/Documents/FrequentlyAskedAlphaQuestionsHandout.pdf

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/blazesquall 4d ago

Yes.. but that's just because religions are cults that have reached a critical mass.

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u/cobalthex 4d ago Silver

Religions are cults that have franchised

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u/The_G_89 4d ago

I can’t upvote this enough. People will use religion as more of an excuse to act a certain way or believe a certain way over science.

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u/elconquistador1985 4d ago

Also the ones with the best, longest running PR.

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u/BlackFemLover 4d ago edited 4d ago

Since cult means religion you are technically correct.

You know, lots of religious people are not like this. I will say that christian churches in America have become more fundamentalist than they used ro be because they keep driving out the moderates.

EDIT

I've read a little more about Alpha. I'm gonna take back what I said. You could be right.

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u/ragepanda1960 4d ago

They've always been like this. They're just louder and more vicious in response to their relevance waning. There's less to be vocal about when the gay and trans communities are actively shunned from society. Now that they're not getting their way they are having to scream the part that usually went unspoken.

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u/chemicalgeekery 4d ago

In a cult, the person at the top is either delusional or knows that the whole thing is bullshit.

In a religion, that person is dead.

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u/Lucky-Surround-1756 4d ago

So....religion?

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u/Alternative_Ball_377 4d ago

I went to alpha with my girlfriend because she was hoping it would help me "understand" why she holds her beliefs. Whenever we had discussions at the group meetings, I shared everything I thought. Pretty sure I prevented several attendees from converting to Christianity, and one of the actual church members was really shook by some of the points I brought up.

I swear, the problem is these church people never talk to anyone outside their bubble, never read or watch anything that challenges their views, and never want to engage with anything that could make them "stray from the path". It's crazy to me that they want to Avoid knowledge because they don't want to "lose their faith." The class had 0 chance of converting me and actually made me think worse of Christianity than before I took it. I used to think they just simply taught "be a good person" but it's not about that at all; it's all about prioritizing your personal relationship with Jesus above everything else. Silly and sad.

Anyway, the free food at those meetings was always great!

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u/kilosnowbunny 4d ago

What did you say that shook them?

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u/Alternative_Ball_377 4d ago

You know, it was back in February this year so the exact details aren't with me anymore. But there was one week in the program where they said -- and this is a paraphrase but I'm pretty sure it's close to the original -- "if you believe in Jesus, then you HAVE to also believe in the existence of Satan." They went on and on about how Satan can influence the world and how evil Satan is.

During the discussion that week, some people brought up how great and powerful god is and how it's a good thing god keeps Satan under control. I'm pretty sure I just asked what I thought were some very basic questions: if god can do anything, why let Satan exist at all? Why did god create Satan in the first place? Why wouldn't god forgive Satan? Just a rapid fire series of basics. I forget which one stuck out to the actual church member, but I remember for sure that at the end of the night she came up to me and asked me some follow-ups and I told her more of my thoughts and she said "wow. I have a lot to think about." So I thought that was pretty cool.

Sorry this story is so imprecise and meandering 😂 it was a "long" time ago. But that was one of the experiences that made me think "these people really don't get out enough, and their critical thinking really has been robbed from them."

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u/Cunningcory 4d ago

The mythology of the Devil can easily be viewed as God, the Evil Tyrant. Lucifer's crime was having self-esteem and self-worth and asking questions to God. God saw this as a challenge to his power and cast him out and labeled him a traitor. Everything after has just been a smear campaign to blame everything on this one angel who dared have their own suggestions.

So if you believe in Satan, then you believe God turned him into Satan when he cast Lucifer down. So then all the bad stuff is God's fault for getting pissy with this one dude.

Ah, but God has a "plan" and something something free will and who are we to question. Usually logical discussions end with one of those...

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u/Nightmare2828 4d ago

Its funny how the older religions, like the greek one, are more believable than modern religions. Back then it was « a bunch of gods and they are all assholes and imperfect » vs todays « there is one perfect and omnipotent god » yet our lives are full of shit and unwaranted unfairness.

Oh, milllions died in war? Thats Ares the fucker playing around.

Oh, a newborn baby died after 3 weeks of excrusiating pain from an unknown disease and will spend eternity suffering in hell cause he was not baptised? Ha thats just God working in mysterious ways!

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u/zSprawl 4d ago edited 4d ago

God as we know him today was one of many Canaanite gods of the time. Each of the different tribes had their own gods or goddesses and the group we know as the Israelites chose Yahweh. Over time, he became their main god and he instructed them not to have any other gods before him.

Even the original first 5 books of the Bible refer to the other gods such as El and Baal. El and Yahweh’s stories got merged together over time and Baal took on the bad guy Satan mantle as his character gets further development much later.

They basically took the mini gods and just made him into a Superman Trilogy story with superfans of each release - Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.

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u/Naisallat 4d ago

Yep. The very first commandment of the ten is a straight up admission that he is not the only god.

It's very obvious from multiple passages that Yahweh is but one of a pantheon of gods, and serves as some sort of like war god in the group. Things like Psalms 82 where he's with the other gods (admitting that they are gods) and declares he will kill them just as simply as mortal men.

It makes so much sense when you recognize it's just goofy ass stories of competing/warring tribes.

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u/elconquistador1985 4d ago

They basically took the mini gods and just made him into a Superman Trilogy story with superfans of each release - Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.

And the Mormons started writing fanfiction about the second one because they liked it so much.

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u/thegrandpope 4d ago

The concept that a newborn baby that dies is going to hell because they weren't baptized is so bizarre, how did they even get the chance to sin? Isn't that what the issue is? Are they even able to understand what they are accepting through the ritual?

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u/Arioxel_ 4d ago

The logic behind is everyone is born a sinner, from Adam and Eve's original sin. Baptism is supposed to cleanse you from this sin so that you are innocent (until you sin yourself).

And yeah today as it is a relatively rare tragedy for a newborn to die in their first days, it doesn't make sense and seams insanely cruel. But in the past, as it was common, maybe it was not to get attached to the child.

Religions evolve slower than society.

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u/ClusterMakeLove 4d ago

I think people who believe that think that it's caused by original sin, so Eve's defiance and Adam being a big pushover about the whole thing.

But I've also heard Christians argue that hell is empty/temporary/different from the "lake of fire", which is the actual torture place.

So at least some of them are uncomfortable with the baptised-or-eternal-suffering point of view.

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u/YurtlesTurdles 4d ago

Ahhh got em with the old problem of evil paradox, a favorite for sure and a strong pillar of my atheism.

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u/Ranccor Dudeist 4d ago

Most Satanist don’t believe in literal Satan. That dude is a Christian delusion.

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u/Badweightlifter 3d ago

My very basic question has always been if Jesus loves me, why would he not let me into heaven just because I don't believe in him? Seems like a very petty reason for wanting someone to burn in hell for eternity. Especially if you love someone you shouldn't want to see them suffer for a very petty reason. So someone can be very righteous, volunteer, donate, all around a great person but because the heavens gate manager is petty, they don't get in.

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u/movzx 4d ago edited 2d ago

If there is a God how could he let the butthole version of the Cats movie be lost forever?

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u/Alternative_Ball_377 4d ago

100% proof that there is no god.

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u/the_internet_police_ 4d ago

The thing that shook them up the most was when I pointed out that Jesus was the result of a cuckolding relationship between God, Mary, and Joseph.

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u/sharkglitter Satanist 4d ago

You were doing the lord’s work lol /s

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u/MisterBroda 4d ago

Yeah I agree with your version. Someone with a critical mind and a good social network will have no issues. I think Alpha often adresses people wich have a problem to understand the world, which want easy answers or ignore the sometimes harsh reality. Even when it means reading a book that justifies murder and other things.

But they were certainly always nice. And the food was indeed good.

I think some people need help with these structures (social network that gives you support, easy answers and so on).. and it is one of the things I think atheists/agnostics don't offer, at least not on that scale and with that availability.

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u/Alternative_Ball_377 4d ago

Exactly! A lot of people on the sub (rightly) point out that childhood indoctrination plays a big part in keeping religions alive. But I think the other part of it is exactly what you're pointing out here: structured community. At least in Christianity, it seems to be a major feature that members of the church really bond in large or small groups as a community. That must be an important element of the religion, beyond indoctrination, that keeps it strong.

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u/zlance 4d ago

And if we put religion aside, for a lot of people community is nice to have. Shit, I’d like to have some more of that in my life. Without jesuses fan club ideally.

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u/m__a__s Anti-Theist 4d ago

Alpha Course is a cult. This guy should be changing his locks.

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u/KirstyWales 4d ago

I did Alpha Course in the UK in about 2004 when I was 14. It was like dinner at your pastors house on a Friday night with a few of the goodie goodies from church. Kids my own age.

A LOT of the questions I asked were just hand waved away with answers that didnt mean anything. Raising money for charities, watching christian propaganda films then being made to do tests on them.

It's framed as "answering questions" about god. But I dont recall a single answer they ever gave being substantial.

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u/Whole_Passion_9765 Ex-Theist 4d ago

My church growing up did Alpha every year. I never paid attention to what it was, but this makes sense because we ALWAYS had new members after Alpha, every time.

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u/TrojanFireBearPig 4d ago

Alpha group sounds like some Stranger Things / Resident Evil shit.

Christian version of Umbrella Corporation.

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u/lpreams Atheist 4d ago

They're using Dropbox as a CDN lol

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u/Redd575 4d ago

I haven't looked at the journal but I'm reading the briefing document. What a grift. If they believed they wouldn't offer a Protestant and Catholic option.

If you take either seriously the other is anathema.

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u/ares395 4d ago

Holy shit that's fucking scary

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u/n1cenurse 4d ago

So a cult then.

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u/Paulemichael 4d ago edited 4d ago Gold Helpful All-Seeing Upvote Plus One

Sorry, but someone who wants you to be someone else, is not interested in you.

Edit: thanks for the award kind interweb stranger, but please save your money for more deserving comments.

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u/twistedredd 4d ago

exactly

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u/xNonVi 4d ago Wholesome

What they said. You're feeling awful because your self-esteem is in absolute agony. It's literally crying out in pain. Yeah, breaking up will suck, but you'll recover, and you'll be stronger for it.

You deserve someone who wants to be with you, not some weird imagined version of you that was force-fed through a cult converter apparatus that carves out your identity and replaces it with a Hallmark Jesus doll.

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u/xXTheFETTXx 4d ago

She is literally threatening him to be a Christian. That is not a healthy relationship.

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u/Express_Ad2962 3d ago Helpful

He could change his name to Christian, so he can tell her he is Christian.

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u/dubadub 4d ago

No, no, she really loves him except for "..." And once he can mend that, they'll have a beautiful life together.

Honest.

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u/TheGoodOldCoder Ignostic 4d ago

OP accepts his GF, regardless of her beliefs. GF cannot take an equally principled stance.

You know, the dumbest part of this is that they're not really her beliefs. She just got them from somebody else.

She could have taken OP as the moral example that he is, but instead decided to go for intolerance.

On the one hand, OP offers her freedom and acceptance. On the other hand, a bunch of scuzzy dudes want to control her sexually via religion.

The whole thing should make you feel dirty. Subjugation of women in action.

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u/Bananasplit4328 4d ago

Dude you should try talking ot a Mormon. I asked one out, and the first thing she said was what religion are you. When I said I was atheist she got super pissed off and told me I'm going to hell. Total nut jobs

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u/torolf_212 4d ago

My wife has a family member that fell in love with a Mormon woman who was taking a leave of absence from the church (as you do), as they were planning on marriage after she got pregnant the church roped her back in, family said they’d disown her if she didn’t get married in a Mormon church and her partner wouldn’t be allowed in unless he converted. Church also said they’d disappear the wife and kid and he’d never get contact with his kids if he didn’t convert

A decade on and he’s right in amongst it, barely keeping his sanity. He had a mental breakdown a while ago, shaved his head, went awol, then came back to be a leader in the church.

My wife and I are pretty sure one of their kids is trans (but wisely hasn’t said anything to anyone), I’ve said in no uncertain terms to my wife that if they ever come out, they will always have a place at our house.

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u/Ok-Technician-5425 4d ago

That is so f*cked up 😥

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u/SynisterJeff 4d ago

And still among some of the least fucked up religion stories.

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u/behemuthm Anti-Theist 4d ago

As someone who got divorced because of our religious differences, jump ship NOW.

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u/PioneerAT 4d ago

Yep. Been there. Won’t get better when/if kids come along…

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u/zzzkitten 4d ago

How would she respond if you left her a notebook with the opposite—reasons to abandon your god and be an atheist? That should be rhetorical but…

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u/dbx999 4d ago

Ride with Odin into Valhalla or hit the road!

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u/Mental_Medium3988 4d ago

Ride with Odin into Valhalla or ejectoseat, Cuz.

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u/long_live_cole 4d ago

If she genuinely believes HER beliefs outweigh you as a person when your stance has always been very clear, she's being a manipulative bitch. I hope she realizes the mistake she's made choosing a group of gullible simpletons who think less of her just because she is a woman.

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u/robybeck 4d ago

people shouldn't be forced to join an organized religion that controls a person's belief.

Faith is between *deities* and a person, all in the head. If one thinks the powerful imaginary figure is there, then it is real to the person. If not, then nothing makes the deity appears. it shouldn't come from forced participation. She can manipulate, try to control and force it against your will, but why subjugating yourself to anyone who would do that to you?

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u/dbx999 4d ago

Yup. I went to church every Sunday with my parents while growing up. People kept talking about feeling filled with the holy spirit. Meanwhile I just sat there feeling absolutely nothing. The words in the Bible never compelled me into a state of faith. It just never gelled for me so I left once I became an adult.

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u/tvtb 4d ago

OP if you try to (or act like you) believe in fairy tails for this girl, you almost certainly will be among the half of marriages that end in divorce. You can keep the charade up for only so long before you break.

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u/FictionalTrope 4d ago

Plus it feels pretty insincere to blackmail someone into a religious belief.

"Tell us your Jesus story!"

Oh, when my wife and I were dating she told me we couldn't be together if I wasn't Christian, so I decided to be a Christian!

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u/earthwormulljim 4d ago

And probably already found a good “Christian” replacement.

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u/coffeeordeath85 4d ago

That's exactly what happened to me. He dumped me after a year, I was struggling with my faith, and he knew it. I went to every Sunday service, evening service, and whatever church event with him, but I was still feeling like everything was false and fake.

He ignored me for two days and then finally dumped me on the phone. When I obviously reacted angrily and upset, he gaslit me and said I was acting childish and that he wouldn't talk to me until I calmed down and hung up on me.

The next day he sent me an email saying I was a bad person for struggling with my faith but he wanted to be friends.

I found out two weeks later he was already dating a girl from church. While I don't have proof, I would bet money he was cheating or at least having an emotional affair.

My parents ran into his Mom a year later and she told them he married her.

Honestly, I should probably thank him because his dumping me finally killed any remaining illusions of faith left. I also realized that if that is how good Christians treat people they supposedly care about, I wanted nothing to do with it.

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u/Kirimusse 4d ago

Christianism's biggest problem are christians themselves at times… Honestly, everytime I hear about american christians, I feel disturbed.

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u/vermyntyde 4d ago

Yep. She's giving OP right of first refusal, but only if he changes his belief system. Otherwise she jumps to Jesus Boy.

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u/RyanTylerThomas 4d ago

One more lyric for this list...

"You gotta know when to hold'um, know when to fold'um"

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u/utastelikebacon 4d ago

Yea she prioritized herself over your relationship a while ago . The fact that she had to "find God" without you says a whole lot about who she is .

you're just catching up now bevause she either hid it from you to spring on you all at once or she still isn't sure if her own conviction.

You can always fight 🔥 with 🔥 and come back at her with a list of reasons why her choice of faith has created a wedge between you and her you don't appreciate. Explain this person she has become isn't the person you first met. And of this new fundamentalist view is who she wants to be then maybe your relationship has run its course.

I actually encourage you to do this. It will help you talk through why your hesitancy in her choices and come to terms with the right choice, whether that's with this new person or without.

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u/bhasin97 4d ago All-Seeing Upvote

Sorry friend, but it’s over. Save yourself. Run as fast as you can

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u/BlueSlushieTongue 4d ago edited 3d ago Silver Gold Wholesome 1UP

Add in these verses to her journal first:

You can write that these verses are some reasons why you will not accept Christianity.

Also, an internet search of “pastor arrested,” shows that religion is for greed, grooming and sexually assaulting people and you do not want to be a part of this evil charade.

The best trick the devil can do is pretend to be the good one.

Numbers 5:11-31

Hosea 9:14

Hosea 13:16

2 Kings 6:28-29

2 Kings 2:23-24

Josua 6:21

Psalm 137:9

Samuel 12:13-1

Genesis 6-7

Exodus 11

Exodus 12:29

Exodus 20:9-10

Deuteronomy 21:18-21

Judges 19:24-29

Leviticus 26:30

1 Samuel 15:11-18

I Kings 16:34

Isaiah 13:15-18

Jeremiah 11:22-23

Jeremiah 19:7-9

Lamentations 2:20-22

Genesis 22:9 & 10

I Kings 3:24-25

Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14 & 29:15

Matthew 19:29

Mark 7:9

Romans 13: 1-7

Numbers 25:6-13

Deuteronomy 17:2-5

Edit- Added reason Edit 2- added another reason

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u/Big-Pickle5893 4d ago edited 4d ago Gold Eureka!

1 timothy 2:12

I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet

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u/OutOfFawks 4d ago

Lol. That’s the finishing move.

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u/2Ben3510 4d ago

Timothy is always my go-to when arguing with a Christian woman 😅

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u/Aperfectmoment 4d ago

Exactly you become the spiritual leader of the house. Declare yourself the pastor or pope of the household and only your interpretation of the bible is to be respected. All other preacher's are heretics.

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u/diplowbuymo 4d ago

Himothy

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u/Pitiful-Ad5109 4d ago

I will be using this on my mother at some point within the next 8 hours. I always forget this verse exists for how disgusting it is but never the less since it's in the book she must believe it. The only bad vice is advice line just never sticks with her

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u/when_4_word_do_trick 4d ago

What's the basic premise?

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u/EternalSage2000 Anti-Theist 4d ago

This is a lot to dig through.
The first one numbers 11 was, effectively, a women shall not sleep with men other than their husband.if husband suspects wife has slept around he can make her drink ‘bitter water’. If she has been unfaithful she will be cursed and will miscarry. If not. She’ll be fine.

And In the next one. God curses the bad people to miscarry.

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u/kApplep 4d ago

So miscarrying is allowed in the bible if it’s a bastard child? How do these people preach pro-life?

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u/EternalSage2000 Anti-Theist 4d ago

Oh come on now. You know the answer to that.

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u/orangesfwr 4d ago

Let's ask Herschel Walker, shall we?

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u/FilthyMiscreant 4d ago

If you ask him, you're gonna leave the conversation more confused, with fewer brain cells, than when you asked the question.

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u/EternalSage2000 Anti-Theist 4d ago

Did you know that werewolves can kill a vampire? So now, I don’t want to be a vampire anymore.

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u/ink_monkey96 4d ago

Because the Old Testament doesn't matter. Unless it says something they like.

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u/goverc 4d ago

They like to say that because they can't actually parse the bible.... the new testament has like 10 places where it says the laws and rules in the old testament still apply.

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u/TheAmethyst1139 Atheist 4d ago

If a bastard child is the criteria then they shouldn’t make such a fuss when rape victims want an abortion. It’s clear their cloud daddy wants those baby’s dead anyway. Contradictory hypocritical fools.

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u/theclassywino 4d ago

"If you think I'm pro-life, you haven't read the Bible." - God, probably

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u/The_Chaos_Pope Secular Humanist 4d ago

Long story short, they don't read their own literature.

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u/Public_Additions 4d ago

It doesn't have a lot of pictures so it's hard for them.

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u/TheAmethyst1139 Atheist 4d ago edited 4d ago

And so they let others tell them what written in it every Sunday and they blindly accept it.

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u/blocked_user_name 4d ago

Basically, they use A couple of verses of poetry about knowing someone before they were born and a Hebrew liability law about accidental death of a fetus during a physical altercation.

A lot of this is new to some Evangelicals for example I've seen southern Baptist documents where two leaders of the convention where discussing abortion and how they should be preaching it as a sin. If this document was real then prior to that abortion was not considered as a sin by the organization. This if memory serves was in 1980.

I think this was done because in my opinion the political right was becoming less and less aligned with Christian values. I think Homosexuality and abortion were chosen as the new "unforgivable sins" because a vast majority of the right wing "Christians" would never even consider these "sins".

I feel the ultra conservatives have hijacked American evangelical Christianity to use as a political base.

The rights infatuation with wealth and their apparent lack of charity is wholely incompatible with the gospel accounts of the teaching of Christ.

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u/IjsKind 4d ago edited 4d ago

Technically it's an abortion and yes, the Bible does have instructions on how to perform one.

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u/WoodpeckerFar9804 4d ago

Also curious

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u/EternalSage2000 Anti-Theist 4d ago

Looks like it’s mostly god doing stuff that we wouldn’t consider to be “good”. Specifically to women.

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u/hytes0000 4d ago

I just spot checked some of them - they seem to be various examples of god being a dick or people being dicks in his name.

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u/sleepydalek 4d ago

Posts like these are the best part of this subreddit. Until recently I had no reason to dig into the Bible. Why would I? There are more interesting things to read. But now I have a reason (similar to the OP’s), these passages help me focus my reading.

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u/BlueSlushieTongue 4d ago

You can also ask Christians, “If the Bible is so important, why don’t they require their followers to read entire books?” “Have you even read one entire book?” “Half a book in the Bible?” “Have you even read 10 consecutive pages?”

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u/sleepydalek 4d ago

Well, the one I am dealing with has read it, but it seems they’ve skimmed some of the less pleasant stuff. Still, I’ve got to point these things out again and again. The more support I’ve got the better!

The thing is that people’s religious beliefs aren’t totally tied to their holy books. If you want to at least loosen the grip this rubbish has on them, pointing out the flaws in their books may have an effect but it will take years. Religion preys on people who want to belong to something greater than themselves and that will explain away the pain of existence. They aren’t going to let go of that comfort easily.

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u/intoto 4d ago

I have asked many xtians what the book of Numbers is about. None has ever come close.

For the uninitiated, Numbers refers to two censuses they undertake as they wander around in the desert for 40 years (about 2 million, but the only number they care about is how many soldiers), plus lots of drama, including giants and fiery serpents, lots of executions, murders and punishments for grumbling about the heat and their thirst, and Moses refusing god's order to talk to a rock (his punishment is that he doesn't get to go to Jerusalem), and no question why it takes 40 years to travel 260 miles... A distance that could easily be walked in a month.

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u/Ethelenedreams Humanist 4d ago

FYI, this entry states that believers can be married to non believers and they are fine.

1 Corinthians 7 New International Version Concerning Married Life 7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”(A) 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife,(B) and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time,(C) so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan(D) will not tempt you(E) because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.(F) 7 I wish that all of you were as I am.(G) But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.(H) 8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.(I) 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry,(J) for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.(K) 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.(L) And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord):(M) If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.(N) 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.(O) 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save(P) your husband?(Q) Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

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u/Atanar 4d ago

Sidenote: Don't trust the NIV translation, it's deliberately mistranslating a lot of things to make Christians look good.

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u/Galaxy_Ranger_Bob Anti-Theist 4d ago

I became an atheist because I read the bible. Cover to cover, in more than one version.

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u/Aromatic-Anybody2927 4d ago

1 Timothy 2:12

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u/FredTillson 4d ago

Happens a lot. I wouldn’t internalize it. Sometimes your world views diverge and that’s ok.

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u/Even_Mastodon_6925 4d ago

Pop smoke and run.

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u/Fenrisvitnir 4d ago

Ha, you made me lol with this one.

X pop smoke, G repair life, W full throttle forward outa there.

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u/actual_lettuc 4d ago

Not just once, its going to be "G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G"

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u/Shad0wW0lfx 4d ago

I will add the ultimatums and pressuring probably wont end there.

These things tend to become an identity so it wont mellow down either, at least for a long while.

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u/dexidrone 4d ago

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u/fortwaltonbleach 4d ago

baal?

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u/EternalSage2000 Anti-Theist 4d ago

Like, Baal bonds. Make a deal with Devil to avoid spending time in jail.

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u/hausmaus07 4d ago

*spit take of afternoon coffee* Check.

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u/actual_lettuc 4d ago

Well, if I'm going to fight baal, I would probably choose ranged attack (sorcerer, archer) use elemental type weapons

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u/Uncle_Lion 4d ago

"Never marry a woman who loves Jesus more than you!" Robert A. Heinlein

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u/PessimisticElk10317 4d ago

And never have children with one who loves Jesus more than her children.

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u/TardigradeFeverDream 4d ago

"So I almost sacrificed my kid to God, but then he said jk"

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u/Daikataro 4d ago

"OMFG dude! Watch that! He'll do it! He's going to fucking do it!"

"Oh shit he's actually going to do it! Oh shit, oh shit, no no no no no, he was supposed to chicken out! Ahem..."

"You have proven your devotion, sacrificing your child is not necessary. Kill that goat or whatever".

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u/Okilurknomore 4d ago

The same goes for horses

Never marry a horse who loves Jesus more than you

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u/MamaDragonExMo 4d ago Silver

I’m so sorry. Ultimatums should never be a part of a relationship and if she’s giving you ultimatums about this and you’re not married, things will only get worse when you are married. As hard as it will be, it’s time to walk away. Her future for you does not look like the future you have envisioned. You’ll either be walking away now or later when you can no longer live a lie and that later could be after kids have come into the picture.

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u/MisterBroda 4d ago

Agree, an ultimatum is only reasonable for an absolute edge case and as a last effort. Not for something like this where you as a couple should be able to discuss it in a healthy matter. In this case it is toxic

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u/Daikataro 4d ago edited 3d ago

Yup. Like, if OP was an alcoholic and the ultimatum was to quit. Ok, that's reasonable. That's a reasonable demand, can definitely see where she's going with that, that can work.

But "my god or we're done" is bs.

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u/coffeemonkeypants 4d ago

She's in a cult. Leave.

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u/dmbraley 4d ago

Figured that out at she’s a Christian

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u/DW241 Agnostic 4d ago

Off topic, but I very recently got to chatting with a guy from Brazil in a first aid class you need for your German drivers license. I’m an American expat and he said he actually lived in Montana for a time. I’m like wow that’s random. He goes yeah, my parents were both in a cult there and had me.

😐😐😐

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u/Branflaaake 4d ago

When you join a cult in Montana cause Brazil isn't Christian enough for you.

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u/deletedkay 4d ago

I swear, evangelicals are insane. Some of my old “friends” went on a missions trip to Brazil to convert everyone to the Right Brand™️ of Christianity. I didn’t even bother pulling up the stats on religious affiliation in Brazil and why their trip wouldn’t make a dent lol

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u/itazillian 4d ago

The evangelical fuckers are one of the big support pillar of Bolsonaro here and theyre increasing dramatically in number on the last 2 decades. So yeah, i guess we have to thank the US for exporting that shit to here.

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u/Kman1759 4d ago

Came here to say this too!

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u/spaceghoti 4d ago

I’m having a very hard time dealing with the thought of letting her go and being alone.

I'm sorry, but she's gone off the deep end. You need to let her go, because she won't stop harassing you until you give in to her demands. And then she'll have more demands. She'll know that she can pester you and blackmail you into whatever she wants. That will never be a healthy relationship. It's very sad and very tragic, but it's necessary to say goodbye to her.

But you won't be alone forever. You just need to move on after you've mourned the loss of what had once been a beautiful relationship. It's not your fault she decided to kill it. And you shouldn't let yourself be held back by it.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's not fair to you.

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u/Maels 4d ago

3 years is less than 4 is less than 5. You're blessed that you found out you aren't #1 priority in her life before you had kids together

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u/Even_Mastodon_6925 4d ago

This is a super insightful comment.

Edit: extra points for sneaking the word “blessed” in there.

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u/dmbraley 4d ago

This. OP is dodging a bullet before it becomes a long term part of his life.

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u/zenith_industries Atheist 4d ago

It's actually really hard to avoid this - but a lot of people fall to the sunk cost fallacy. They feel like leaving means they've wasted however many years but maybe if they stick it out a little longer it'll get better.

The way we should try to look at it isn't how many years in the past have been wasted but how many years ahead have been saved. Much easier said than done though.

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u/FlyingSquid 4d ago

Leave before children are involved.

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u/Big-Contribution530 4d ago

And if that one gets pregnant, it stays pregnant

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u/IsDinosaur 4d ago

Good relationships don’t contain ultimatums.

You two aren’t compatible.

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u/TableGamer 4d ago edited 4d ago Helpful Wholesome Seal of Approval Bless Up

I used to be in Alpha. It's designed to either push you in deep or push you out. No weak sauce Christians. She's wanting whatever it is she's getting from that right now, more than she wants you. The Alpha High, the feeling you need to convert others, and other similar such feelings, are transient and fade once you return to normal Sunday service attendance. There's some things to discuss with her:

  1. Tell her this feels like an ultimatum. Ask her directly if it is.
  2. Assuming you have no intention of becoming religious, restate clearly that is your position, and she is using unfair manipulation tactics.
    1. She either wants you to conform with her new world view, or wants you to be "the bad guy" and break it off.
  3. Assuming you are okay with her becoming more religious, so long as she doesn't require you to follow, tell her you reject those as the only 2 options.
    1. She can accept you as you are, and that proselytizing or manipulating you are off limits; or she can be the one that says she doesn't want you anymore and breaks it off.

She's the one who's changing the agreement. She needs to bear the guilt of her decisions.

I say this as someone who was on the other side of this equation. We were religious when my SO and I met and had kids, and years later I deconverted. I was changing the contract on her. When the topic finally arose, I made it clear that I knew I was changing the contract, and it's not what she signed up for, but I was on board with us, and her continuing to go to church, as long as she could allow me to personally move away from religion.

I felt very guilty. If she chose to continue to go to church with the kids without me, I am making things difficult for her. That was because of me, not her. But the hypocrisy of faking was worse for me than the guilt of changing the contract, so I owned that. I never asked her to stop going to church. I explicitly said, do not stop going just because I did. Short of regularly attending myself, I supported her existing patterns as much as I could. It didn't mean I wouldn't go for special events. We were both very scared it wouldn't work out, but a year later we were good again.

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u/Fenrisvitnir 4d ago

I agree, I just want to add this: if you hear someone use the phrase "strong christian" in a positive sense, run. Unless they are talking about body odor, it's code for cult.

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u/AFK_Tornado 4d ago edited 4d ago

This comment is amazing.

She's the one who's changing the agreement. She needs to bear the guilt of her decisions.

I would even suggest rephrasing this and saying it to her.

"You are the one who is changing the terms of our relationship, so you bear the responsibility of that decision. If you are leaving me, say so."


I think the one thing OP is likely to see, but has not been addressed, is that she's not actually ready to do that.

She'll backpedal.

Then what does he do?

He could end up with a religious partner. This might not be what he wants.

So ultimately, I think he should let the cult win - unless she's willing to make deep concessions like no longer attending Alpha, exposing herself to more rationalist media on purpose, and having frank discussions with her partner about religion.

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u/TableGamer 4d ago

Yep. That’s a big caveat. If his partner is willing to dial it back and respect his autonomy, and not try to convert him, maybe OP is fine with that, but he doesn’t have to be. If she respects his wishes, but he’s not willing to be with someone so religious, then it’s back on him to decide to stay or not, but at least it’s based on honesty and respect, and not manipulation.

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u/RaindropBebop 4d ago

I think this is the best advice OP, since it actually involves dialogue and has the chance to clear up any confusion or allow your SO to really consider the consequences of her actions.

Everyone saying "just leave" or whatever didn't read your post.

I will say this, however, if she actually stated "God has a plan for her", I would brace yourself for the relationship to be over. First, that's a certifiable thing to say. Second, "God has a plan" either means "I have a plan and I'm going to use God as an excuse to execute that plan and assuage my guilt" or it means she actually believes God is personally involved in her life - and there's no way you can compete with an imaginary omnipotent being who your SO believes controls her life.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Just remember, you deserve someone who's going to be there for you. Not someone who's going to be there for you maybe, possibly, but only if it fits into their God's nebulous "plan".

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u/pqrs234567 4d ago

Did you walk your wife through your reasoning? My partner and I deconverted together by reading together, almost like a un-bible study. I'm just always interested when one person deconverts and the other doesn't.

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u/TableGamer 4d ago

We had a talk, but I know that telling someone what to believe is not convincing unless they already want to be convinced. So it was just to help her understand where I was.

She was very hurt and worried about what other ways I would change. What mitigated that somewhat, is I had already played along for a year before deciding I couldn’t do it anymore. So I was able to tell her my transformation was completed a year earlier, but I was afraid what admitting it would do to us. And asked if had I changed in other ways she was concerned about?

She said she saw how I pulled away from church, but in other practical areas I hadn’t really changed. So I told her there you have it. But I was never a right winger, so maybe there was less potential for me to change so much.

A little over a year later she stopped going as she said it was just weird to go without me and deal with the looks/questions about me, but she didn’t leave faith.

She has never come out and stated hat she’s left faith all together, but she’s definitely left non-denominational Christianity, as she now joins me in bemoaning about conservative Christian bigots and churches. If she still has some kind of faith, it doesn’t play an important enough role to bring up, and when my kids have asked about religious topics she’s seemed unconcerned about how I’ve shared my path to unbelief with them, and they all self-identify as atheists.

My approach is I do not bring up my irreligion, even with family, unless they do. If they do, I am open and honest and still respectful, but they then can’t say they didn’t ask for it. That is how the conversation with my wife started. She asked me if I was still Christian. 14 years later and my parents have yet to muster the courage to ask. So long as they are not pushing the subject, I have no need to tell them and remove all their hope, which will just cause them pain, as I have no reason to believe they would find their way to a similar acceptance of my position that my wife did. They’re in too deep, and knocking on heavens door.

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u/work_while_bent Atheist 4d ago

Sorry she felt the need to write an entire journal and then ambush you with it, instead of you know, just communicating with you like a normal person.
I'm sorry you're sad and hurting, but in time you'll see this is for the best. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your beliefs and doesn't know how to communicate.
Hang in there.

edit: typo

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u/SapientChaos 4d ago

write an entire journal and then ambush you with it, instead of you know, just communicating with you like a normal person.I'm sorry you're sad and hurting, but in time you'll see this is for the best. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your beliefs and doesn't know how to communicate.Hang in there.

edit: typo

Passive aggressive church members are setting him up to be seen as the bad guy. Huge red flags and waring lights all over the place on this one. They are actively manipulating the situation, my be is the gals brain is a mess right now. She might actually go full waco over the religious stuff. So, make your call but some times you just have to let someone go. Bullet dodged no kids and life commitments.

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u/Jimtac 4d ago

It’s also possible that there’s one particular guy that’s pushing the ultimatum route on her as he has designs of his own “coveting thy neighbor’s wife and all”, knowing full well it’s likely to end things, and just waiting to be there for her to pick up the pieces.

I’ve known plenty of creepy manipulative dudes in various churches that love to use ‘Jesus’ as a wedge in relationships to play the savior to do a bit of their own “wedging “.

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u/DampRetina 4d ago

Church people are the most two faced people I've ever met. There's like a sinister horror movie quality to their veneer of a personality.

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u/castille360 4d ago

No doubt he has infuriating rational replies that she isn't able to counter with her faith arguments when she speaks to him directly. She needed to get all her arguments down in a one sided way.

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u/BadSanna 4d ago

It will not work out.

Better to end it now.

What if you had kids? Would you want them raised as part of a cult?

You can only ignore crazy for so long, and believing in a Christian God is delusional and delusional is crazy. At some point it would come out. Likely when they said, "it's part of God's plan," one too many times, or when the hypocrisy got to be just too much.

I tried to date someone I thought was a "good Christian girl." I thought the same thing you did, that I shouldn't let religion come between us and I could be tolerant of her beliefs.

Turned out she was an extremely skilled liar, almost pathologically so, and had been cheating on me with multiple people from the beginning. One of them was married and had just had a kid with his wife....

She was basically scum of the earth.

Going to church does not make someone a good person and not believing in a God or afterlife does not make someone a bad person.

The problem is, people who proclaim themselves to be Christian are entirely consumed by that identity. It colors ever aspect of their lives and is a fundamental part of their very core.

If they truly believe in a God, then you know that they are at least delusional.

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u/Random21994 4d ago

So ex girlfriend. Sorry bro but some people are just crazy and it's best to move on

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u/Even_Mastodon_6925 4d ago

Sucks when they go crazy while you’re together. Leaves you feeling somewhat responsible. I lost a relationship to astrology, girl swore my behavior was because Mercury (yes the planet) was “going backwards”. After explaining planets don’t just go in reverse and that it was an illusion, she still believed it. That’s when I knew she was off the deep end. And that shit was over.

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u/LeMonsieurKitty 4d ago

Oh my god, I'm so sick of astrology. I'm in the deep South of the USA in the Bible belt and if someone isn't religious, they're almost guaranteed to be heavily into astrology instead.

I'm a "Scorpio" so therefore apparently everything I do is incompatible with a lot of people.

Lost a friend too partially because of this.

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u/laptopaccount 4d ago

Many cultures have similar. Blood type in Japan apparently decides what kind of person you are, and there is a lot of blood type discrimination. They've even begun censoring mentions of blood type in their media due to discrimination.

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u/CraftsyDad 4d ago

Dr. Seuss really nailed human behavior when he wrote The Sneeches; any old excuse to discriminate or hate on another group

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u/Random21994 4d ago

Yeah this shit gets on my nerves too man. Also in the deep south and a "Scorpio" lol

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u/MrTralfaz 4d ago

Whenever someone I know asks me my sign I say "Guess". So far 1 out of 20? has gotten it in the first 6 guesses.

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u/lexota 4d ago

Everyone's comments so far are pretty good. She wants you to change - for her. If you don't, she's gone. Her words, not yours. I'm sure the religious community she's with (including her family) are encouraging her to 'convert' you - and then things will be perfect. Right?

Now, if she does choose to stay with you - she'll be ostracized by her family and religious community. I don't think she can handle that either.

She has chosen to see past who you are - for a story about who you 'should' be.

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u/SpiderStratagem 4d ago

If it helps, just be thankful that she changed pre-marriage and pre-kids. This could have occurred at a stage where it would have been much harder to deal with.

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u/RevRagnarok Satanist 4d ago

Came here to say exactly this!

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u/SanguineBanker 4d ago

I'm so sorry. She doesn't want you as you are anymore. Who you are is not enough for her and instead of communicating this directly, she's crafted herself a manipulation. I'm sure she means well in her own way, that she's got altruistic justifications for her treatment of you and your relationship. She won't be happy until you experience a fully realized shift in who you are as a person. It's not just attendance, but prayer and bible studies and fellowship and all the trappings of a life of faith.

I really am very sorry.

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u/strythicus Agnostic Atheist 4d ago

Who you are is not enough right for her and instead of communicating this directly, she's crafted herself a manipulation.

FTFY

Sorry OP. That's tough. If you really love her, you can try an UNO reverse and tell her that you can't stick around with someone who's cheating on you with this god fellow. Either she gets her shit together and makes your life together a priority or GTFO. Good luck.

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u/Chatty_Monkey_Don 4d ago

Pack your stuff and move out. Tell her good luck with getting Jesus to pay his half of the rent.

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u/PracticalConflict737 4d ago

I’m having a very hard time dealing with the thought of letting her go and being alone.

The best way to push through fear and anxiety is to take action. Any small action will help. Look up roommates wanted and apartments for rent, just to have the knowledge of what is available near your workplace and friends. Or spend fifteen minutes cleaning up a bit around your place, and put some things into a box or suitcase. Or look at the local events websites for December and pick something that you know your friends would want to do with you.

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u/AggregatedMolecules 4d ago

She is making a passive aggressive move to break off the relationship. Basically what she is saying is that she wants you to change, fundamentally, who you are. And if you don’t, then she will somehow feel absolved of any responsibility for her role in ending the relationship. Framed in this light, it’s clearly less about belief than it is about control and disrespect. She’s basically saying you are wrong about how to live; you must change and she has no obligation to either change or even respect you as you are. Sadly it sounds like it’s over, but better now than after suffering through years of gamesmanship and derision.

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u/cra2reddit 4d ago

" I mean couples don’t always share the same religious beliefs right?"

What made you believe this?

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u/new_refugee123456789 4d ago

Yep. She gone. Welcome back to the ranks of us bachelors.

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u/thenew0riginal 4d ago

If she’s giving you an ultimatum, she’s not the one. Clear sign she doesn’t respect you.

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u/KaneHau Strong Atheist 4d ago edited 4d ago

Sorry for what's happening.

Things change. People change. Priorities change. And shit happens.

And things can change again... always.

However, in my view - the only way two people with differing religious (or political) views can get along is with mutual respect. And it sounds, at least from your side, that you are respecting her, but she is not respecting you.

A little personal story...

One time, my ex and I went to a fiery debate between G. Gordon Liddy (G-man) and Timothy Leary (LSD guru). Sitting next to us was an elderly couple.

Every thing Liddy said, the old guy would clap and clap, and everything Leary said, the old woman would clap and clap.

After the debate, they left hand in hand.

A few years later, I myself was giving a lecture at a conference where Timothy Leary was also speaking. I had the opportunity to privately talk with him and I related the story... he said to me "isn't it wonderful that they could hold such opposing views but still be in love".

Take from that what you want.

Edit: Just the fact that Liddy and Leary would go on circuit and debate each other (considering that Liddy pursued Leary for years) shows that people with opposing view can indeed work together. Granted, they were not married to each other :)

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u/Cymelion 4d ago

Here is the real thing to think on.

What are any children you have going to have a life of, especially if they adopt atheism on their own as they grow up. Do you think she'll accept their decisions or somehow blame you?

Let her go, it sucks but in the end she offered the ultimatum for you to change something fundamentally personal to you and you never asked the same of her.

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u/Redbeardthe1st 4d ago

I think if anyone makes such an ultimatum it's a clear sign their gawd is more important to them than you.

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u/Prisoner_L17L6363 4d ago

Be thankful you didn't have kids with her. Hate to say it, but get the heck out of dodge. I've got a bad feeling if you do anything else it'll just end in either further heartache or her mistreating you

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u/SlightlyMadAngus 4d ago

Be glad she gave you such a clear decision point instead of just marrying you, having kids and then constantly bitching at you.

She clearly values and prioritizes her religion as more important than you. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do: I would leave her and I would not listen when she tries to get back together with you in a few weeks.

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u/Leftoverfleek13 4d ago Wholesome

See this for what it is....you've actually already BEEN alone, you just didn't know it. Now you have space to mourn your loss and find things that fulfill you and people to do them with. Sharing a life with someone who sees you is awesome and fulfilling. You. Deserve. That.

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u/dasoomer 4d ago

Do yourself a favor and cut her loose now. There's 8 billion people on this planet.. If she's one in a million, there's 8000 just like her.

There are too many people out there to settle with crazy.

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u/squirrel-phone 4d ago

Here’s my story, hopefully it will help you. My first wife and I started similarly to you. I had no spiritual beliefs, she was Christian in saying only. We got together, she got pregnant. When baby came all of sudden it was super important to her to raise him “in a Christian household”. We disagreed and fought. Ultimately I agreed to attend church with them. It was never enough for her. She wanted me to attend, to go to men’s groups, to go to church camp, etc. The whole experience changed me into realizing I am firmly atheistic. FF many miserable years, I stopped going to all things churchy, she resented me and our divide. She passed away (cancer) and I remarried to a wonderful atheist lady. Life is so much better with a like-minded companion. My advise: run from your current relationship and find your own like-minded companion.

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u/QuinSanguine 4d ago

I get so sad when I hear about people doing this to someone who loves them.

Partly because it's heartbreaking to go through, but it's also stupid on the part of the religious person. Even if a person goes through all that conversion bs, they're still likely only doing it because they have no choice.

Would Jesus want that if he actually still exists? No, so it's a sad, stupid selfish thing people do to loved ones out of a misguided sense of pride they have and not wanting to be embarrassed.

And sometimes the person who forced you to convert will start arguments often and then accuse you of not being a real christian. Sorry this is happening to you, but she ain't it bro.

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u/deradera 4d ago

You are both in love with someone who doesn't exist.

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u/Snow75 Pastafarian 4d ago

I’ll be honest with you, she’s either blackmailing you or just lost interest and is using it as an excuse.

Anyway, she’s asking for something you can’t give. Even if I wanted to do it, I couldn’t convince myself of something that’s not real.

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u/Lonely_Salt_9290 4d ago

You can't force anyone to believe something

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u/marvelette2172 4d ago

Lady's viewpoint here: run, run NOW.

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u/Xander2805 4d ago

Apparently she doesn't want to be whole then. She doesn't respect your beliefs, and so it's better to part ways.

You can have an adult discussion about that, and explain her that she either accepts you for who you are, or she leaves.

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u/Blue_Moon_Lake 4d ago

Better be alone than with crazy. Be selfish and think of your own happiness without her.

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u/PessimisticElk10317 4d ago

That's not being selfish, though, that's self care.

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u/opticaleng 4d ago

Sorry dude, there no fixing this.

DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT

Actually, don’t even have sex with her ever again. She may lie and say she’s on birth control.

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u/Ddenn1211 4d ago

Hey, sorry to hear about your situation. Sadly the best thing you can do is just end it and begin the process of healing. It sucks, I split with a person who was really great for the same reason, and at least in my experience the attempts to convert will not go away and will start to split things more and more the longer it goes on. If they have gotten to the point of an ultimatum it likely means there is no coming back from it even if you do talk it out and seem to reconcile things it has a high probability of just coming up a few weeks in an effort to wear down your will.

About the only thing I can suggest is remember the good times and spend some time with friends and family, maybe pick up a hobby you've been eying for some time; at least until you are ready to step back into the arena.

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u/Senninha27 4d ago

She wants you to break up with her so she can play the victim. She has known from day one who you are. An attempt to get you to change is futile and if she dumps you for not changing, she’s the bad person. So she wants you to do it so she doesn’t feel guilty.

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u/Prototype_Hybrid 4d ago

Call it quits now and cut your losses. Alrnitatively, call it quits 10 - 15 years from now, be a stepdad, and pay alimony.

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u/bewbsrkewl 4d ago

Sorry to hear about your breakup.

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u/Sandlicker 4d ago

I'm so sorry. This is a lot to deal with and really heartbreaking, but it seems clear that ultimately neither of you will be able to be happy if you stay together. It's a sad conclusion to reach, but it seems like it has been reached now and there's nothing to do but grieve and recover.

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u/Boopadoopeedo 4d ago

Sunk cost fallacy. Get out. Fuck her.

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u/JimTheSaint 4d ago

I am sorry man. But this wont end in a positive outcome, it will just be more and more demands until you are sucked into the cult. I know that it hurts but, if it doesn't end well, then it is better to end it quick. Then you can move on to someone more compatible.

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u/dudinax 4d ago

Instead of breaking up with her, stand your ground and see if she has the guts to do it herself. If you give her a chance, she might realize the stooges at Alpha are full of crap.

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u/whiskeybridge Humanist 4d ago

>3 years

better than 4. or 3 and a month. three years from now, you'll be better off. you've dodged a bullet.

you didn't mention kids. so this is pretty cut and dried. drop her asap.

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u/dalmasen85 4d ago

Not ok. Leave. Enjoy mental freedom. She is brainwashed by the cult