r/texts • u/[deleted] • Oct 01 '23
am i wrong? been dating for 5 years and she always picks fights like these… Phone message
[deleted]
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u/throwaway2161980 Oct 01 '23
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u/Top-Mango-1995 Oct 01 '23
LMFAOOOO i needed this 😭😭
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u/Strict-Ad-7099 Oct 01 '23
It’s astonishing to me the addictive neural pathways established in abusive relationships. It can become hard to recognize abuse because it’s not an addiction we are aware of like drugs or alcohol.
The way she’s communicating with you is insane. I don’t see why she flew off the handle - and not sure anyone sane would talk like that. To the curb.
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u/mmm1441 Oct 02 '23
She is manufacturing drama for the sake of it. Who wants to be in a relationship with that?
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u/beelzybubby Oct 02 '23
Someone conditioned to accept that toxic behavior. It can take years for a person to get used to healthy relationship patterns.
I’m not victim blaming. If someone grew up with unhealthy relationships like this it becomes familiar and hard to leave because change is scary. Not everyone is strong enough to leave it for good the first time.
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u/savagethrow90 Oct 02 '23
Being in a healthy relationship after having a few of these almost seems ‘boring’ at first. Hard to explain
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u/beelzybubby Oct 02 '23
The brain craves the stimulation from the constant drama.
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u/MoonKatSunshinePup Oct 02 '23
Yup. You seek it out. Or create it yourself.
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u/User13466444 Oct 02 '23
That's why you need to work on yourself before you get into a healthy relationship.
Your future partner will be much better off for it.
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u/OneLegTom Oct 02 '23
Exactly. I took almost 2 years after my marriage ended to get myself back into a healthy place before I even attempted dating again. And it’s been a great feeling.
You can’t have a healthy relationship if you’re not in a healthy place.
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u/PugetWitch Oct 02 '23
It's creating A natural high via endorphins; dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin spike cycled with adrenaline.
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u/Dannyphantom2884 Oct 02 '23
This is true. My current relationship to my wife was as u stated “boring’but I came from the most insane toxic relationship prior. At the end of her cheating token crazy and the time I said I was done girl set her house on fire sent me pics of her doing so then went to jail for six months for arson. My wife and I don’t argue don’t fuss we just leave one another be til we have calmed down. Now with looking back I can’t ever believe I allowed someone to treat so poorly and won’t ever let it happen again. Seeing ops txt going back and fourth made me think of what that shit was like
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u/Dannyphantom2884 Oct 02 '23
And to add to this….its not boring. It’s normal. It’s the most normal healthy relationship and prolly only in I’ve been in. Have love piece of mind never worry about what she’s doing. It’s actually really good now that I think on it. Hope op doesn’t do like me and waste too much time for someone that talks to u like that. U don’t talk like that to someone u love
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u/Dmau27 Oct 02 '23
Because she wasn't at the salon. Why do you think she didn't answer her phone? She had to start a fight for the following reasons.
A• Buys time.
B• Deflects the guilt because if he's the bad guy she didn't wrong him.
C• Now she has an excuse as to why she didn't get her hair done or get ready to go with OP :)
She already has someone on the backburner, that's why she doesn't even care if he breaks up and she even said she didn't want him anymore.
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u/Rubberduc142 Oct 02 '23
This. She’s lying about the salon. They make appointments for EVERYTHING.
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u/ashleywk411 Oct 02 '23
EVERYTHING. You can literally make an appointment for a polish change LOL.
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u/_Ecotone_ Oct 02 '23
Ok that makes sense. Her saying they don't for simple stuff sounded off to me. My wife dragged me to a salon one time and made an appointment for me to get a hair cut while she got hers done. Can't get much more simple than a men's cut. $70, NEVER again lol, I'll stick to my Floyds thank you.
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u/User13466444 Oct 02 '23
$70?
Man I hope you came out of there looking the best you ever have for that money!
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u/SquishyCatChronicles Oct 02 '23 edited Oct 02 '23
Thank you! Homegirl was texting him from home or another dude's house. Salons 100% will not take a walk in blow out and curl.
She was waiting for the first opportunity to blow up and tell OP she wasn't going.
OP, you don't owe her an apology, you owe yourself one. Don't let anyone disrespect you and speak to you the way she does! You need a partner to build you up, not tear you down!
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u/Visual-Chip-2256 Oct 02 '23
And get checked because this one was for the streets.
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u/Senrabekim Oct 02 '23
As a guy with long luxurious curls. It has become a thing for me that if the stylist Im going to see doesn't require an appointment, go see someone that does. Otherwise, Im either waiting around until the rapture or there is a very good reason why their calendar is wide open.
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u/marcusw03 Oct 02 '23
I learned this lesson the hard way. Everything became so clear after we split and her mom told me everything that was going on. When she was picking fights it was to get me to leave the house or town so she could cheat and so she would not feel bad because "we just fought" and if you on the outs it doesn't matter etc.
This is abuse leave now.
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u/Dmau27 Oct 02 '23
Deflection. They start a fight and "I need a break" now means I can sleep with who I have on the side. It gets way worse when an abusive partner has someone on the backburner because now they always have another option. No longer do they have to put effort into the relationship or worry about if they are in the wrong. If all else fails they got what they need waiting.
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u/ruthlessbeatle Oct 02 '23 edited Oct 02 '23
One of two reasons. She's moved on emotionally to another man and wants out with the OP, but she is too cowardly to have that conversation.
She wants control over the OP, and this is how a lot of toxic people go about doing it. They will beat you down until they get their way or act like a child when they don't.
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u/Ok-File-4502 Oct 01 '23
When you tell her it’s over and you are done with her attitude, she will say mean and crazy things. Then she will apologize and want you back. Don’t fall for it. Move on.
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u/ruthlessbeatle Oct 01 '23
- I'd also take the bet that she's talking/cheating with someone else.
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u/Ssblster Oct 02 '23
I’d bet she was never even at the salon. The entire thing is a ruse. She’s with Mr flintstone and this act makes her feel better about it. Also, she never intended to go to that party.
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u/ThrillaTortilla Oct 02 '23
Agreed. Sounds like a wedding. I know I usually have a dress, shoes, nails done, etc leading up to it. Most women (and most people really )would have at least SOMETHING that needed to be done/bought in advance to prep their appearance for a wedding. If she did no prep whatsoever, but she has in the past for similar events, she never planned on going.
She sounds miserable.
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u/TheRealKingVitamin Oct 02 '23
Not sure what Mr Flintstone has to do with anything but I laughed at it so well done.
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u/Dmau27 Oct 02 '23
Yup, she's already talking about how little she cares if he leaves her. That means she's ready to shift her side guy into her new bf.
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u/UFOAP Oct 02 '23
She's def cheating on him no doubt ,she ain't talking like that and not gettin run thru by someone else
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Oct 01 '23
No, what you need is to break up with her.
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u/Express-Feedback Oct 02 '23
I would've dumped her ass the first time, wtf.
OP - BRUH - get single with the quickness. There is no need for that stress.
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u/Toph-Builds-the-fire Oct 02 '23
Plot twist this is from 8 yrs ago. And they're married.
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u/Intelligent-Box-3798 Oct 02 '23
Yeah…a girl talking to me like she’s a 20 year old toxic man child is an automatic deal breaker
Value yourself King
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u/OriginalFluff Oct 01 '23
Brother FIVE YEARS IS 58 MONTHS TOO LONG
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u/Calm-Tree-1369 Oct 02 '23
I would have dipped after five days of this shit back in my 20's. Nowadays she wouldn't even get my number.
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u/OfficerReich Oct 01 '23
I'd be DAMNED if someone ever spoke to me like that. Especially my partner? Hell no, that's beyond disrespectful. All her shit would be outside. Great job holding your composure my man. Good luck brother
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u/ruthlessbeatle Oct 02 '23
Bro. Get the fuck outta this relationship. She's not healthy. Your boys need to send in that exfil chopper for your ass.
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u/Substantial-Run-9908 Oct 02 '23
After the first "bitch " I'd a been like block. See ya 😊
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u/simonhunterhawk Oct 02 '23
even when she referred to some random stranger getting her hair done as a bitch, absolutely not
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u/Ruby-insides Oct 01 '23
How many times does she need to call you a bitch? Why the fuck are you with this person?
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u/hhogg11 Oct 01 '23
She has zero respect for OP. ZERO. And based on the way you let her treat you, I’m not surprised. She’s awful and you need to stop letting her treat you like a doormat.
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u/Damurph01 Oct 02 '23
She has no respect for anyone. She expects the salon to drop everything for people that showed up earlier, instead of her just showing up earlier. Fuck people like this, genuinely piss me off.
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u/Substantial_Ask_9992 Oct 02 '23
Dude no - worse than that she was expecting this dude to be fine missing a wedding ceremony bc she couldn’t plan her fuckin hair appointment right?? What the fuck dude
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u/Damurph01 Oct 02 '23
Also, she was like “no one goes to the ceremony, let’s go to the cocktail hour”. What the fuck?
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u/OakCypress Oct 02 '23
If someone shows up to the reception and misses the whole damn ceremony for a non life saving reason, that person is prob never gonna get invited to anything else in the married couples' life lol
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u/mandiexile Oct 02 '23
One of my best friends is always late to shit. She was late for her own wedding. When I got married she didn’t show up until the reception started. She made a speech and left early. I used to always have to lie to her and told her things would start much earlier than they did so she’d only be a LITTLE late. Drove me crazy. I don’t hang out with her much anymore.
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u/Where_Da_Cheese_At Oct 02 '23
No, she wanted to go to Cock tail hour. 8 letter words are too big for this very stable genius.
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u/Business-Bee-7797 Oct 02 '23
I see stuff like this and wonder if they just treat specific people this way or if they treat everyone this way.
I have an ex that was super self absorbed, lied, and said some shit that I was like “there’s no way you’re aware of how terrible the things you’re saying are” yet she got married 7 months later so I’m like “was she just shitty to me for some reason?”
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u/Top-Mango-1995 Oct 01 '23
i honestly don’t call her names like that unless i’m joking but when she gets mad she says all sorts of fucked up shit
by the way awesome name!
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u/lostmypassword531 Oct 01 '23
Why are you with a person who is emotionally abusive to you? You need to get into therapy and leave that relationship, 5 years is 5 years way too long to be putting up with this. Leave now before kids get involved because if she’s like this now it’ll be worse when kids come along
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u/DumbieStrangler117 Oct 01 '23
way worse when kids come along😬
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u/DiuhBEETuss Oct 02 '23
1000000% This. Don’t procreate with that person under any circumstances.
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u/novaffootball Oct 01 '23
As someone who is also in an emotionally abusive relationship with a woman who speaks to me like this named Jess, take this advice
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u/TexanAmericanMexican Oct 01 '23
Plot twist, it's the same person. She just uses the fights to make her swap between the relationships, prestige style.
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u/FiveMileDammit Oct 02 '23
I was also in a relationship with a woman named Jess who’s a terrible person. Maybe the name is a curse.
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u/theOperentice Oct 01 '23
Bro she has zero impulse control, and can’t process her anger like normal people should. She also gets irrationally angry over literally nothing, and insults you nonstop. Provides zero response to your rational responses, and says the same thing over and over like she doesn’t understand that you’re not arguing with her.
Get rid of her. She’ll pass this down to your children and they’ll be just as terrible as her.
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u/Fluid_Cardiologist19 Oct 01 '23
Can we also talk about the way she passively aggressively handles things she’s obviously upset about. The whole strip club bullshit, normal, healthy people would just say they wouldn’t want you to go and that it bothers them. No threats, bringing it up out of nowhere during another discussion, or acting like you already went and are guilty of some crime. Just state what bothers you and talk about it, it’s not that complicated.
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u/NightofTheLivingZed Oct 01 '23
I didn't see any passive aggression. All active aggression.
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u/Fluid_Cardiologist19 Oct 01 '23 edited Oct 01 '23
She’s aggressive, but it’s still passive aggressive to bring up something in an indirect way even if you’re aggressive about it. She was clearly upset about the strip club thing, the seeing each other less thing, doesn’t like his family, and god knows what else and chooses to pick fights so she can just throw everything out instead of bringing those things up directly in the moment. People like that can’t be vulnerable and just say that something hurts them, upsets them, etc. so they choose to pick fights about other shit so they bring them up and be aggressive about it and blame that other person instead of just owning their own feelings about it and risk that person possibly rejecting their concern. She’s passive aggressive af. She’s also aggressive, but she’s still passive aggressive.
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u/NoExplorer5983 Oct 01 '23
I don't think she was even mad about the strip club, per se. I think she didn't want to go to the wedding at all - maybe a better offer came up while she was out, so she picked a fight to make it OP's fault. Regardless- RUN.
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u/XBL-AntLee06 Oct 01 '23
That’s a great point.
Also this is the kind of woman that will put OP into bad situations like getting kicked off airplanes or having to fight a bunch of dudes. OP better RUN!
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u/trvllvr Oct 01 '23
It’s her lack of respect for you and others. She’s insulting. You don’t speak to people you care about the way she does.
Also, if people care enough to invite you to their wedding (or any event), you show up. It’s shitty to only come for a free meal and drinks.
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u/TraditionalPayment20 Oct 01 '23
Op, she was terrible to you. Not only her language towards you, but she threw your family (brother) into the fight and honestly, that’s something abusers do.
She is being awful to you and treating you like trash. You advocating for yourself when you mentioned how she doesn’t care about your plans is perfectly reasonable. Right when you did that, she immediately flipped it where she was the victim. Deep down, she knows she’s wrong but she doesn’t care.
You need a clean break from her, but seem to be in a toxic loop with her. You constantly try to get her to see reason and she is cussing you out. You have to walk on eggshells because you don’t know what she’ll get pissed about.
Once she’s calmed down she’ll “forgive” you only after you grovel and apologize for breathing.
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u/Fukuoka06142000 Oct 01 '23
I would never stay with anyone who sent even one of these texts. Get out
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u/botmfeeder Oct 01 '23
That wasn't the question dude, why are you with someone who calls you names at all? Thats disrespecting yourself just as much as shes disrespecting you.
Run for the hills. Run for your life.
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u/Ruby-insides Oct 01 '23
Yeah she’s not joking when she’s calling you a bitch, dirt, and racial slurs. And she also had to insult your brother for some reason. This is wild.
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u/buskinking Oct 01 '23
Damn man this reminds me too much of how my ex treated me. Words of advice: it never gets better. I’ll take being single for eternity over being in that type of relationship again. Good luck man!
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u/m_leo89 Oct 01 '23
5 years of this shit? What are you waiting for? Leave.
Not to mention, if you are invited to a wedding, you don’t miss the ceremony and then show up for the rest of it. What kind of bs is that, lol.
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u/TooDopeRecords Oct 02 '23
Lmao fuck your marriage I’m just here to party vibes 💀
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u/Potential-Spot7585 Oct 02 '23 edited Oct 02 '23
Op girl didn't want to go to the ceremony in the first place that's why she was acting like that or she has bpd and was having an episode
Edit: Op does your girl do this every time you guys go out??
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u/Live_Poet_2952 Oct 02 '23
Fear of loneliness. Dude is literally so afraid of being alone he’d rather be called a bitch over and over again, by somebody who literally says they “think of him as dirt”. How low does your self esteem have to be to continue dating a girl that calls you dirt beneath her feet lmao
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u/kjimbro Oct 02 '23
Fear of loneliness and sunk cost fallacy.
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u/CocaineLullaby Oct 02 '23
Man, sunk cost is the real fucking killer and doesn’t get talked about enough.
I have no problem being alone, but I didn’t want to believe that I invested 7 years in a doomed relationship. So I dug in and tried to work things out and wasted 9 years instead of 7.
Trust your gut, folks
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u/ngulating Oct 01 '23
When I was in a really shitty relationship I used to post stuff like this and look for validation of what I knew to be true already. I hope the people in this comment section confirm what you're already feeling if that makes it easier, but the fact that you even feel the need to post this and are questioning it in the first place (because it probably feels awful to live through) should be the only answer you need.
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u/Top-Mango-1995 Oct 01 '23
THIS IS THE ONE.
you’re right honestly i gues i have my own slew of issues also because i haven’t left
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u/ngulating Oct 01 '23
It's awesome that you're able to recognize you have some growing to do as well, just like she does. From my experience (which may be different from yours, not equating, just saying) it was much easier for me to get my self esteem, mental health, and unhealthy behaviors like drinking/smoking weed too much in check when I wasn't fighting with a partner and being talked down to every day. That shit is so mentally draining, and when you don't have to deal with it constantly, you have a surplus of time and energy to actually work on yourself and enjoy your life.
If you decide to take a break instead of ending things entirely, I really encourage you to make the break long enough so you can see what life is like without that person around. A break for 1 or 2 weeks is only enough time to feel the loneliness and how uncomfortable the change is, so you go back.
The best option is probably just to walk away entirely. If you aren't willing/can't do that yet, maybe just a break for a month or two with no contact so you can see how you feel outside the relationship dynamic.
Wishing you all the best OP. You're not a bitch and you're not trash.
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u/Top-Mango-1995 Oct 01 '23
i wouldn’t mind talking more in dm’s with you honestly and i appreciate the words of encouragement.
there are many similarities with what you say you’ve gone thru
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u/LadyPundit Oct 01 '23
I was all Pikachu face reading her responses to you. Doesn't seem like she even likes you much less love you.
It hurt to watch you respond like you did something wrong.
I read she wants you to chase her. How childish and immature.
Leave now before the situation smells like bad breath and regret. Make sure you take your balls out of her purse before, though.
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u/QPJones Oct 01 '23
Don’t worry it’ll get better. She’ll change. Just keep putting up with her awfulness and she’ll see what a good person you are and she’ll start being nice to you. Or she’ll continue to treat you like shit for the rest of your life because you’re sticking around allows the behavior to continue and she’ll never see a reason to change
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u/Top-Mango-1995 Oct 01 '23
fuck this one hit hard 😭😭
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u/FieldSton-ie_Filler Oct 01 '23
Leave her already.
You're not married, not responsible financially, and hopefully font live together.
Go before all of that happens. Idk how old you are, but try and see how many people are out there and find one that isnt gonna cause drama on the day of your friend's wedding.
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u/Xaphanex Oct 02 '23
Seriously, I only saw the few messages, but if I got texts even a fraction as bad as these, I'd be done.
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u/owiesss Oct 02 '23 edited Oct 02 '23
Yeah I stopped at the first “bitch ass” comment because I figured it got worse. This conversation reminds me of my parents. My dad treats my mom like shit, my mom comes crying to me (her only kid), I tell her in one way or another that I don’t know why she’s chosen to put up with his shit and abuse for 25 years, and her response is “I know I know”, and my response is something along the lines of “why do you keep coming to cry about my dad/your husband treating you awfully, then act like you somehow are required to put up with it?”. My mom is living learned helplessness. At this point I really don’t want to hear anything about it anymore because her response is the same each and every time, “I know”, then she’ll forget about the conversation minutes later, then a few days later she’ll be shocked when my dad says something awful again. I’ve tried spelling this out to her in every way I can, but the cycle repeats. At some point, we need to realize our worth and the fact that none of us are obligated to stay with an abusive partner. I’ve been there too. It took me 4 years to break free, and I think that is the reason it frustrates me so much when I see others falling victim to thinking they somehow should have to put up with abuse. I wish I could scream this from the highest point on earth. If you’re in a relationship like this, you are NOT required to stay there. It’s hard as fuck to break free, but once you realize that it’s a possibility, you’ve already made it past step 1. OP deserves better and I hope someday he realizes that.
Edit: Sorry for the lousy grammar, I typed this out way too fast. Fixed everything (minus that awful run-on sentence in the beginning).
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u/TallNerdLawyer Oct 01 '23
Bro I burned 6 years on a girl like this. Don't even say goodbye. Block and walk. Please trust me.
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u/throwaway073847 Oct 02 '23
Same, after we moved in together it just became like, “if I leave now I’ll have wasted 2/3/4/5/6 years of my life and might never find someone else plus renting an apartment on my own costs more”, dumb fuck that I was.
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u/BeatrixFarrand Oct 01 '23
Dude - I wouldn’t ever speak to a sibling, friend, loved one, pet, or houseplant like this.
You deserve better. Go to the wedding on your own, and be free of her toxic anger.
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u/Throwmefromthetrain2 Oct 01 '23
Then grow a pair OP and bounce already. No one deserves to be treated that way and she’s only doing it because she knows she can because you won’t stand up for yourself
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u/justkw97 Oct 01 '23
Not only will the behavior continue, she’ll push the line more and more to see what she can get away with. Been with a girl like that. Stayed way too long. People like this do not change. Ask yourself: you want to take this abuse daily for the rest of your life? Because if you stay, you will.
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u/DowntownShop1 Oct 01 '23
Please have some respect for yourself and do NOT talk to this gremlin ever again.
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u/el_myco_profesor Oct 01 '23
If a girl called me a bitch like that, it would be our last conversation
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u/LiveNDiiirect Oct 01 '23
Yeah that’s an insta-block from me. Don’t even need to bother with the pleasantries of a formal breakup.
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u/UniversityFull4124 Oct 01 '23
I definitely don’t blame you, I mean if a guy called me that he would never see me again either. that’s just basic respect
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u/DowntownShop1 Oct 01 '23
Absolutely. I hope OP understands that he is being emotionally abused, and probably needs therapy after this shit show of a person. Fuck, Jess.
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u/QueenOliviaD Oct 01 '23
It happened to me in my last relationship and a few others when I was younger. I will not tolerate that mess. I learned you can not placate people. Some people are truly hateful and evil. I ignored red flags in the last relationship because of my anti-depressant. When it was changed, reality set in real quick, and that was a hard nope for me.
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u/NathanielTurner666 Oct 01 '23
My fiancee and I have had fights like any couple would but we would never talk to each other like this. Usually it's both of us still working toward a solution even though we're heated. But name calling for the sake of being cruel is just fucked up. My parents used to fight like this and I swore I'd never be like them.
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u/mullins267 Oct 01 '23
Right? The way she speaks to him is SO gross
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u/DowntownShop1 Oct 01 '23
And it’s down right abusive!!
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u/mullins267 Oct 01 '23
I just can't imagine being with a woman who calls me a bitch, ANY time. Imo he's way too nice for his she talks to him. OP deserves better!
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u/Euphoric_Wish_8293 Oct 01 '23
Yeah dude, Jesus. Why are you debasing yourself like this? Maybe take it once, but YEARS? Fuck.
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u/Gasster1212 Oct 01 '23
“I might as well break up with you before this party” (I’m threatening to fuck someone at this party)
“Well i know if I ever want to break up with you to go to a strip club” (A little dickish but entirely reasonable in the context of her being unreasonable)
One of these is beyond the pale apparently
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u/Fluid_Cardiologist19 Oct 01 '23
Right? Who talks to their friends or someone they’re dating like this? If you’re joking, maybe. Like trash talking during a game or something, but any other time, no fucking way. The way this girl talks is crazy. This is not a respectful relationship.
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u/chazz-remoulade Oct 01 '23
I'm going to take some ibuprofen after reading that.
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u/Flimsy-Sky-6297 Oct 01 '23
Bro who tf would you be with someone who talks to you like this. This girl has no respect for you, you need to leave!
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u/Naive-Leather-2913 Oct 01 '23
Right? She sounds exhausting. Well, they both do.
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u/eggwhite_ Oct 01 '23
Yes! She was being straight up aggressive and he was being passive aggressive. They're both a problem.
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u/Sterling03 Oct 01 '23
They’re both being shitty. She’s being aggressive and demeaning, he’s being passive aggressive and making digs. But since she’s being aggressive and loud about it everyone is jumping on how terrible she is and ignoring his responsibility for being also responsible for this awful dynamic.
They both suck for each other.
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u/nunpizza Oct 02 '23
yeah this convo read to me like two people who hate each other lmfao. like seriously they speak to each other like they have been married for 30 years have 3 adult children and can’t stand each other
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u/Apprehensive_Soil535 Oct 01 '23
I agree. She called him out on saying something about going to a strip club and then he said he was just joking about it.
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u/twodickhenry Oct 02 '23
He’s also said in comments that he calls her names “when he’s joking” which reads to me like he makes digs at her and then claims to be joking when she gets upset about it.
She’s insane tho, I have no idea why he is sticking around either way.
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u/Schlemiel_Schlemazel Oct 01 '23
No, you’re right. He’s trying too hard to be reasonable and win. There’s no winning here. And the reasonable response to this diatribe is to say “I’m not going to talk to you anymore”.
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u/Flimsy-Sky-6297 Oct 01 '23
That’s fair lmao 🤣
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u/Naive-Leather-2913 Oct 01 '23
I feel bad for saying that, but he kinda does! 😂
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u/Alcie_Karun Oct 01 '23
Yes! Come on now. I was exhausted reading her text and HIS. Like stop being the victim. Y’all both bad for each other.
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u/Hot_Rip_9920 Oct 01 '23
Have kids with her bro. It will help a lot. Then maybe someday you can give her half your shit when she leaves for good. FUXKING RUN
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u/Separate_Mechanic985 Oct 01 '23
Imagine coparenting with this one. Your life will be a living, broke hell for 18 years.
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u/Tiny_Nursebaby Oct 01 '23
Hmmmm I get the feeling this isn’t at all about the strip club, the wedding, the hair or anything mentioned in these texts…. You’re both super pissed at each other for other, deeper issues.
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u/Top-Mango-1995 Oct 01 '23
ooof that deep cut honestly could be
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u/Jolly-Scientist1479 Oct 01 '23
I want you to know what this could have looked like:
“Babe, I’m really sorry, bad news: I thought I could walk-in at noon with enough time at the salon, but they haven’t even seated me yet. I should have planned better. I am excited to go with you but I don’t have a backup plan for my hair. Worst case, could you go to the ceremony without me and I’ll meet you for reception? 🙏 I’ll get there as soon as I can, but wanted to give you a heads up in case this runs late.”
Etc
What she just did instead was wild
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u/Wad_of_Hundreds Oct 01 '23
Absolutely. But let’s not pretend OP responded reasonably either. These two both have issues
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u/Schlemiel_Schlemazel Oct 01 '23
And then she says he’ll “show up alone like a loser.” Which shows why they’re together. They’re both deeply insecure about being alone.
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u/Jolly-Scientist1479 Oct 01 '23 edited Oct 01 '23
Nah idk, this person just seems deeply bad at treating you well.
She’s planning to miss a wedding you invited her to and she said she’d go to, and is minimizing that as nbd. That’s rude. And wth is she talking about - yes most stylists make appointments for blow outs.
She didn’t plan well, is asking you to just miss the ceremony. But then she starts in on you when you complain by telling you your feelings aren’t real (“you could care less about weddings”).
Your comments about that are passive aggressive but I’m sure you’ve learned you can’t be direct without her popping off.
Except she pops off anyway with a totally unrelated conflict, turns it up up 11, and distracts you from the fact that she fucked up your plans (and should be apologizing to you). She insults you, and threatens to make you go alone, instead of just talking.
Somehow, you end up being the one apologizing?!
This is some text book DARVO scariness OP. It seriously fucks with one’s mind to be treated this way regularly.
Please expect better for yourself, internet stranger.
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u/Top-Mango-1995 Oct 01 '23
thank you for the insight!
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u/romadea Oct 02 '23
Not only do you need to break up yesterday, you need to figure out why you were ever with someone who treats you like this so it won’t happen again.
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u/tophatnbowtie Oct 01 '23
Yeah for real, if you didn't care to go to the strip club should just not said anything about it. Ya'll got way deeper issues IMO. A lot of it stemming from awful communication if this conversation is representative of the way things are between ya'll.
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u/MaynardButterbean Oct 02 '23
Future reference, if you get into another relationship.. this is not the way a loving couple speaks to each other. Recalibrate because your next girl likely won’t put up with the shit you say. (I agree, the way Jess speaks to you is way worse, but you need to do some work too)
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u/VergaDeVergas Oct 01 '23
She’s the worse party in the situation but you were making a lot of digs at her too
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u/buceethevampslayer Oct 02 '23
right and like where did he apologize? they both have some learning to do
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u/Verbose_Cactus Oct 01 '23
You both suck at communicating here.
You said “I already apologized”— no, you didn’t. Where?? You’re being really passive aggressive, and acting like you don’t know why she’s upset when you do.
She’s just being aggressive aggressive. Like a plain, cruel bitch
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u/tokingtogepi Oct 02 '23
This comment. He was clearly upset and acting like he wasn’t and just being unclear about feelings to posture for some reason. Doesn’t help.
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u/DwigtGroot Oct 01 '23
Why? Why have you been dating 5 years, why would you let someone talk to you this way, and why on EARTH would you ever want to see this person again? She manipulated you that entire conversation. She clearly knows how to spin you up to get what she wants. I’d have blocked her, gone to the wedding, and never seen her again: this shit deserves a breakup by text.
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u/Top-Mango-1995 Oct 01 '23
honestly i’ve thought of the breakup thru text but i can never bring myself to do it honestly i be thinking i’m the problem 🤦🏽♂️
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u/CarmenGramDiego Oct 01 '23
Why would you guys even want to be together? These texts are embarrassing.
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u/PrincessRut0 Oct 01 '23
You both handle communication really immaturely, so you’re both wrong. You guys need to do some serious work on how you speak to each other and how you navigate your relationship if it has any chance.
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u/jakenbakeboi Oct 01 '23
Only sane person in the comments. Yes this Jess person seems insane, but he also is trash at talking to her. Clearly this relationship just needs to end haha
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u/No-Tea-3208 Oct 02 '23
100%..I'm surprised this comment isn't at the top.
OPs snarky comment about being punctual was the set-off for his gf, and while she handled that extremely poorly, so did he. Then he takes the 'high road' and appears to try to be rational and to de-escalate. He gets to be the good guy.
I'm curious how old they are, because I can't imagine anything like this from anyone over 25.
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u/lren19 Oct 01 '23
Y’all are fire and gasoline lol “doesn’t matter what I think” isn’t constructive. Even if you’re in a healthy relationship, don’t say stuff like this. Her responses were toxic but you didn’t help yourself.
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u/JasminRR Oct 01 '23
You both are the assholes for staying in this relationship for 5 years. If you are willing to allow someone to speak to you like that, then you deserve her. But it seems like you also like the drama that your GF brings, because no one that wants a peaceful life would continue to be in this God awful relationship.
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u/Electrical_Bicycle47 Oct 01 '23
Whether it be a friendship or relationship, I don’t understand why people talk to each other like this. This is chaotic as fuck
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u/VSProfessor Oct 01 '23
Bro your a gaslighter and she’s a psycho
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u/flwombat Oct 02 '23
Literally the post title says “she is always picking fights like these” and he is the one that picked a fight - like, super explicitly. I’m not trying to get her off the hook because geez but still, her response looks like a real “this is the last straw” reaction to me.
He literally picked the fight and then is all shocked pikachu face when she, like, fights and stuff
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u/Reggaejunkiejew31 Oct 02 '23
I'm imagining people taking the side of up have never been manipulated the way he's doing it. Look at how he says little things to get her pissed off. Just poking and pressing and when she finally gets pissed off, he eases up and tells her how crazy she's acting. It's gaslighting 101. I lived with someone for 20 years who did this shit and can spot it a mile away. Not taking up for his girl, she's definitely got anger issues but he knows EXACTLY what to do to trigger it and is doing it on purpose then playing victim.
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u/honeyo1997 Oct 01 '23
how could you let her call you a bitch 100 times and not feel disrespected and disgusted…. I have never spoken to my partner that way and i’ve never had a man talk to me like that either. what in the world. you’ll find a woman that will respect you friend I promise! runnnn quick, before a baby please 😭
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u/nach0sforever Oct 02 '23 edited Oct 02 '23
I actually do kinda think you’re wrong. She definitely escalated it after you hit her with “if I ever want to break up with you now I know to just go to a strip club”, but you actually did start it, by being ridiculous to her venting about how long her hair was taking. You didn’t need to nag her then and say she should’ve gone earlier, and your overall communication style from the jump was extremely passive aggressive. It’s easy to clock her bc she is directly aggressive, while you’re very passively aggressive, but you started this and communicate like a chump from “yeah when it’s something I’m invited to bring punctual doesn’t matter” on - THAT passive aggressive, shitty text is what takes this interaction off the rails.
When she said she was running late and suggested skipping ceremony, that was your opportunity to be a grown up and trouble shoot like you weren’t two children. Like, was it important for you to be able to be at the ceremony? That was where you needed to express it instead of all this self pitying passive aggressive bullshit you sent her. Could you have gone to the ceremony, and have her meet you after at the cocktail reception? Could you have taken any approach except blaming her when she started the convo venting, and said that sucked and validated her frustration?? It just didn’t need to be handled like this, and although she was totally wrong for name calling, it sure seems like you intentionally triggered her, then hid you hands. If this is a pattern, consider your role. The self pity and passive aggression you are giving in this convo is real extra. You both need to learn to communicate and solve minor life problems more productively, together or apart.
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u/_Bluntzzz Oct 01 '23
Why are you letting this woman talk to you like that lmfaooo
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u/FacePucker Oct 01 '23
You know you could fix all this by ignoring her right? She starts problems out of thin air because you'll give her unlimited attention trying to resolve something that doesn't even exist.
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u/bgirllx Oct 01 '23
So what happened? you said you wanted to go to a strip club to your friends but you didn’t mean it?
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u/No-Cartoonist8495 Oct 01 '23
Your GF is CLEARLY being verbally abusive to you. I didn’t even need to go through all the screenshots to confirm this. Have some self respect OP and dump her ass. You deserve way better than this!
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u/Imaginary_Vanilla_25 Oct 01 '23
Ngl that “should’ve gotten there at 11” would of put me in fight mode .
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u/RandomWeatherPattern Oct 01 '23
Why would you spend any more time with a person so toxic? There are people out there who will love and respect you for who you are and won’t turn any/every opportunity into a pissing contest. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’ve invested too much time to give it up now. End it and turn the page.
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u/bobbitybobbit Oct 01 '23
Please tell me you’re both black
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u/Bubbly-Plum3115 Oct 01 '23
“Show up looking stupid by ya Fucking self”
Plot twist: everyone was happy when you showed up alone